A Soldier's Weakness
by JaerWolfe
Summary: Every soldier has a reason to fight, a reason to survive and a weakness that can either make them more determined or destroy them.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is the follow up to Two Sentences, Six Words. I recommend having read that fic first.**

* * *

He sat on the window sill, staring out at the perpetual dingy night of Omega Station and wondered if he'd feel it if she died.

He hadn't the first time. No dark feeling creeping across his spine. No sudden wrenching as if part of his soul had been torn away. No clue until Joker had shattered his world telling him it was Shepard's own fault that she was dead.

A bitter smile touched Kaidan's lips. This time he wouldn't even have Joker to tell him because there was not one doubt that if Shepard didn't come back from the Omega IV relay, no one would.

He wondered how long he'd wait. How long Anderson would allow him to sit here, staring through dirty windows searching for a reason to try and survive that agony a second time.

_ I love you. Be happy, Kaidan._

Her words. Her damn duty. Someday, some fucking way, he was going to be the first thing she thought of and not this damn universe that had done nothing but jerk them around like puppets on a string.

And by whatever Deity you chose, if he got her back a second time he was taking her to the most remote, inhabitable planet that could be found and they weren't going to leave ever. The Alliance, Cerberus, the Reapers, the whole damn Universe be damned.

For a moment he closed his eyes, centering his soul, calming the biotics that flared so readily, so angrily, so often. He hadn't had this much trouble keeping his powers under control since Brain Camp. Since Vyrnnus. Since Rahna.

His communications console pinged shattering the calm he'd been searching for. Staring at it with apathy, he wondered if it was Anderson again and if the threats had changed to something that actually meant something. Although, if Shepard was dead…_again_…he couldn't really think of anything that would matter enough to him to be threatened with.

Without enthusiasm he clicked open the link.

"Hey, Soldier boy. You owe me some creds." Syelana's too smooth, too sly voice was heard. "That ship you had me on the lookout for? The human racist one? She just docked and it looks like someone shot her all to shit."

Kaidan's heart started beating again.

"I'll be expecting you and your creds at the usual place. Come naked."

The Normandy was back.

He took a long breath, steadying himself. That didn't mean Shepard had survived. It was a good sign, yes. A very good sign. But Joker was a hell of a pilot and…why was he even thinking about this?

Sliding into his armor, automatically checking his weapons, his thoughts at the docking bay rather than on the task, Kaidan efficiently dressed.

She would be alive. That was the only acceptable answer. She would be alive and she would be whole and she would be near him.

Not really so much to ask, was it?

* * *

Kaidan settled back into the shadows near the dock and studied the Normandy, his gut clenching tighter as he took in the amount of damage that had been done to the ship. Some was simply cosmetic and could easily be fixed. Other parts…a gaping, jagged hole in the lower decks shielded by a kinetic barrier…were much more troubling.

"Don't you worry, baby. We'll get you settled and all pretty again." Joker's voice floated across the dock as he crooned to the ship. "We'll get that nasty logo off of you and everything will be all better."

Joker was alive.

Some of the tension in his gut eased, but his eyes were already searching, seeking out the lanky female form he'd so briefly touched on Horizon.

"I'll reach out to some old contacts." An Earth-Aussie accent rang clearly through the dock. "Funds will be an issue. I'll see what I can do. There might be some accounts The Illusive Man hasn't frozen yet that I can appropriate."

"Anything to keep from having to planet scan for minerals." Came the wry answer. "I hate that. It's boring, wastes my time and for some odd reason hurts my wrists."

She was alive.

Emotion surged through Kaidan so strong, so quickly, that he half bent over from its strength. The stale slightly sweaty gym socks smell of Omega Station burned through his nostrils as he inhaled sharply, sucking air in as if he had been holding his breath for days. Or years.

Alive. Commander Shepard was alive. _**Kaet**_ was alive.

"Joker, get with EDI. I want a prioritized list. What needs to be repaired first and what can wait until I have more creds." Shepard continued giving commands, not even looking at Joker as he nodded and returned to the ship.

Kaidan pulled back into the shadowed alcove where he hid, not quite trusting himself to go to her. What would he say? Do? Their last parting hadn't been…optimal.

She looked so tired. Her skin had a grey tinge just under the surface that concerned him. She hadn't looked that exhausted when they'd gone up against Saren & Sovereign.

"Chambers, get a list from Gardner about our food stores and let me know what needs replenishing. Oh, Chambers, also have Mordin and Chakwas let me know about medical supplies." Another datapad transferred to another set of hands. "Garrus, I need status on weapons. Ship repair is a priority, we're vulnerable right now, but I want our weapons at their best to compensate for that. Get me a list of what needs replenished as far as thermo clips, etc, goes."

"I'd advise being careful of any thermal clips purchased on Omega, Shepard." The Turian said quietly pacing alongside Shepard. "Factory rejects often end up on Omega on the black market and you'll be more likely to have a weapon explode in your hands than take out an enemy."

"Reach out and touch some of your old sources, Garrus." Shepard ordered shoving a hand through her hair. "Try not to start another war. Archangel should probably stay dead. But get me that information and get me good supplies. I'll find the funds, somehow. If necessary I'll tap Aria, but I'd rather leave that as a last resort. Too many strings attached."

"Will do." The Turian seemed to hesitate. "Shepard, about the new logo for the Normandy."

Kaidan could see the surprise on her face. "What about it?" Her eyes took on the slightly unfocused look of someone barely listening. Her eyes were scanning down a datapad, her index finger rubbing at the soft spot between her eyes, where forehead began the line down her nose, a gesture she unconsciously used when stressed.

"I realize that getting rid of Cerberus' logo is important. That's not who you are." Garrus continued to be hesitant. "But to replace it with a human fist…is that wise?"

"A human fist?" Shepard responded, still distracted, but now confused.

"Yes. I realize that a human fist with a middle finger extended is a human salutation, but I think it would be better to encompass more than just humans with that greeting." Garrus persisted.

"A human…_what?_" Shepard pulled her attention completely away from the datapad and stared at the Turian, her expression incredulous. "Who told you…Joker."

Kaidan couldn't help himself, he laughed.

Garrus had his sniper rifle drawn and aimed before the datapad Shepard had been holding hit the ground, her Hand Cannon pointed directly at the shadows where Kaidan stood.

"It's…" Kaidan stepped out of the shadows, hands up and extended away from his weapons. "Me." The last bit was said lamely and he wondered why the hell he hadn't planned this better.

Garrus' stance didn't change, if anything he grew stiffer. "Well, just when you thought you'd seen the worst Omega has to offer, out comes crawling more slime." He drawled.

"Garrus." Shepard said quietly and with only a slight hesitation put her weapon up.

"Have you come to call her a traitor again? Maybe show how superior you are by waving an Alliance flag in her face?" Garrus' voice was implacable.

That…hurt. Kaidan closed down any emotion on his face, containing the feelings that simple statement inspired. Garrus had been the first Turian friend he'd had. Yeah, he'd started talking to him to prove he was over what Vyrnnus had done. Prove he could see past Turian to the individual, but they had been friends. They had watched each other's backs. They had…protected Shepard. Together.

"I didn't come here to hurt her, Garrus." Kaidan said quietly but he did not step any further from the shadows.

"Do you think what you came here to do means anything to me?" Garrus answered back, a vicious snap in the words. "Where were you, Kaidan? When we needed you?"

"Garrus." Shepard spoke his name, quiet but firm.

"No, Shepard." Garrus shook his head, his gun not wavering. "You had to recruit assassins, mercs, psychotic humans. An infant Krogan. You had to recruit the worst elements this universe has to offer because he was too good to stand at your back."

Shame stained Kaidan's features. "It wasn't that simple, Garrus."

"Do you know how many times she looked around for you and you weren't there?" Garrus demanded. "I could see it on her face…she'd want to share something with you like she always did on our early missions together. Only then she'd remember you weren't there and this…grief…"

"Garrus, enough." Shepard's voice cracked across the room and the Turian flinched. "Please, Garrus." She softened, reaching out to touch the arm holding the sniper rifle so firmly. "I don't think he's come as an enemy this time."

Ouch. Kaidan almost took a step back. That one hurt just as much as Garrus'.

"Look, maybe this was a bad idea…" He couldn't do this now. Not…not like this. "I just wanted…I'm glad you're alive. All of you." He turned and began heading away.

"Shoot him in the ass, Garrus, if he takes one more step." Shepard ordered.

Kaidan instantly stopped.

"You are not walking away from me again, Kaidan Alenko." The words were angry and flat. "Not like Horizon."

"I can't." Garrus muttered finally slinging up his sniper rifle. "I can't shoot him, Commander. I'm sorry."

"I can and will." Shepard answered calmly as she drew her Hand Cannon again. "Thousands of women across the known Universe will mourn if I have to mar such a prime example of human heinie, but I will do it."

Garrus chuckled. "We wouldn't want that, Commander. I may not be able to shoot him, but I can do this."

Kaidan slowly turned around, not wanting to push Shepard's dicey temper only to realize too late that the blur headed toward him was a Turian fist.

The Universe exploded in pain and lights as he was knocked back against the bulk head of the dock and rammed his head a second time. Stunned more by the pain than the action, Kaidan took a minute to get his bearings, watching as best he could to see if Garrus had changed enough that he would go after a fallen opponent.

"I'm good with that, too." Shepard put up her weapon up and crossed her arms over her chest, one hip cocked out as she glared at him.

Kaidan got angry.

"Do you think it was easy?" He shouted at them, blue flaring about him. "Do you think I wanted to be chasing around the Universe being told one lie and then another? I thought it was about duty! I had to find out on my own that I was being lied to by both sides!" Still sitting on the ground he wiped at the blood on his mouth. "I didn't even find out about the Omega IV Relay until after you'd used it and it was too late."

Neither answered him. Garrus gave a questioning look to Shepard but her attention was completely on Kaidan and her expression was giving nothing of what she thought or felt away.

"I've been here, waiting for your return for weeks now." Kaidan continued as his anger and biotics dampened. "Just…waiting for word. One way or the other."

Garrus tilted his head and then laughed softly. "You missed one Hell of a fight, Kaidan." He extended his hand down to help him stand.

Kaidan looked at the hand and then up at Garrus. "I would never intentionally hurt her, Garrus. You have to understand that."

"Horizon hurt her." Garrus answered, unforgiving, but his hand remained unmoving, still extend to help him. "But I figure that's now between the two of you. I've made you bleed for it and that's good enough for me."

Kaidan accepted the hand and was pulled to his feet. "Your face looks better, Garrus."

"Can't keep the women off me." Garrus answered before pulling him into a man hug. "She wasn't the only one that missed you, Kaidan. There were several hairy moments when your biotics would have come in handy. Plus, the Normandy's new crew? No sense of humor. The most scintillating conversations I had were running calibrations."

"I don't know about that." Shepard spoke, her voice soft but not quite warm. "You should ask Joker about his sense of humor. Right after you look up on the extranet definitions for a human fist with one finger extended." Tilting her head, her eyes pierced Kaidan, challenging him, daring him. "Although it is exactly the same gesture I used on Timmy when he wanted to keep the Reaper base for its technology. That pretty much ended our working relationship. Not that I had any intentions…_ever_…of maintaining it. Do I make myself clear?"

He almost answered 'Yes, Commander'. Almost fell back into old Military habits of rank and command. Only she wasn't his commander any longer and he would never again obey any order of hers that let him go to safety while she stayed behind in danger.

"You're not fool enough, Shepard, to believe he'll accept that easily." Kaidan said quietly. "Especially since it seems you took the Normandy as a parting gift."

Shepard glanced at the ship and her expression grew more troubled. "No. I'm not fool enough to believe that."

Licking his lips, wincing as the cut Garrus had given him throbbed at the contact, Kaidan took a step closer to her. "I can…help with that. I've spent a lot of time studying Cerberus. I know names. Operations. Agendas. I have contacts that will prove useful for out-maneuvering The Illusive Man."

"We can't stay on Omega. Too many elements that could do some permanent damage to the ship before she's completely fixed." Shepard shook her head at him. "But, thank you, Kaidan. It means a lot, that you would help."

She was…rejecting him? She was turning him away? Kaidan felt a large chasm open in his gut and wondered if maybe he hadn't misunderstood the message she had sent him before the Omega IV relay after all. Maybe she had been dumping him.

"If…if it's possible…" Her voice was hesitant, her expression almost unsure. "Uhm, if you have time before you have to get back to Anderson, you could, maybe help us. Give us contact information?"

No. This was not going to happen. She was hurt because of Horizon. Because he hadn't been able to go with her, Kaidan understood that. Understood she had every right to be more angry than Garrus over the matter. But the only way she would get over that anger was if he was near her.

The only way they would learn if their love had survived her death and his duty.

"Right now my mission is to support you and the recovery of your team in whatever capacity is necessary." Kaidan stiffened his back, answering her with an almost military precision. "I can best do that by maintaining a presence on the Normandy to coordinate with you regularly."

She blinked at him, processing the thought. "You want berth on the Normandy? You want to come with us? I don't even know where we're going, yet, Kaidan. We limped here because it was the closest dock for repairs."

A corner of his mouth kicked up in a smile. "Shepard, it doesn't matter where you're going. I'm coming with you."

"Oh." Her expression held a stunned surprise that hurt nearly as much as her comment about him not coming as an enemy this time. "Uhm. Okay."

"Kaidan!" A pleased voice shouted and he turned in time to catch the slight form that hurled itself at him.

A smile curved his lips. "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy." He greeted returning the hug. "How are you, Tali?"

"Very good! We have finally told that Cerberus bosh'tet to leave us be." She settled back from him just a bit but kept her hands on his forearms, clutching him. "The final fight against the Reapers? Shepard was magnificent! Oh, and those poor humans!"

"vas Normandy." Shepard's voice repeated, the tones cold.

Kaidan looked at Shepard, confused.

"You called Tali 'vas Normandy'." Shepard said crossing her arms over her chest once more. "How did you know her name had been changed? We left the flotilla for the Omega IV relay."

"Uhn." Kaidan scrambled around, trying to think of an answer that wouldn't get him into more trouble.

"You've had a contact on the Normandy." Noveria's winds had never been as icy as Shepard's voice as she stared at him. "Someone was reporting to you directly. Telling you what was going on with our mission."

"Shepard…" Kaidan began again.

"Thank you for your offer of assistance, Commander Alenko." Shepard bent and picked up her dropped datapad. "Once we have found a formal base of operations I am sure you will be informed. Until that time, I don't believe we will be requiring any assistance from you or the Alliance. Dismissed." She turned her back and began walking toward the Normandy's airlock.

Kaidan's eyes flared blue and before conscious thought could caution him against the action, his left hand surged forward, power pulsing forth that caught her in a shimmer of azure and pulled her back until she was right in front of him, hovering just inches from the ground, her face lined up with his.

"This isn't the Alliance." He said in low tones full of fury. "I'm not part of your command and I do not serve under you. You can try to dismiss me all you want, Kaet, but I just told the Council to go to hell because I wasn't leaving Omega unless it was with you."

"Was it as easy to walk away from them as it was to walk away from me?" She hissed, not bothering to struggle against the biotic field that held her.

"Easier." He snapped back, not hesitating. "Yes, I have a contact on the Normandy. Yes, I have done my best to keep track of you because anything you do with Cerberus is potentially fatal. And yes, I messed up big time because I didn't learn about the suicide mission until it was too late for me to join you on it. All of it…_all of it, Kaet!_…was done with the intention of joining you once more."

"Let me go." She ordered in a deceptively quiet voice, her eyes flaring with fury.

"Never."

The answer surprised her. He could see that in her face, in the confusion that flashed so briefly across her features before all emotion was shunted away.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." He continued, the blue still flickering across his eyes, his expression still angry. "I thought of this a thousand times. What I would do if you came back to me safely, what I would say. It was supposed to be…" He let the words trail off and the anger seeped from him. What kind of man was he? Handling her like that. He set her gently down and released the field. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I should…"

She kissed him.

Cold fingers on the back of his neck pulled him down to her, her hot mouth slanting over his. Surprise held him back for only a moment until the taste of her filled his senses, the smell of her washed over him and somewhere in his soul, a part that had been cold and silent for the last three years, began to sing with the knowledge that she was here. She was safe.

She was alive.

"I am so sorry I wasn't with you." He whispered against her lips, holding her tight against him.

"You're bleeding on me." She answered.

Kaidan blinked at her and then burst out laughing. "How could I possibly have missed how practical you are, Shepard?" She stirred slightly but his arms tightened around her. "No, don't go just yet. I need a moment. I just need…a moment."

Fingers stroked the hair at the back of his neck and he felt her breath sigh hot against his throat.

"As long as you need, Kaidan." She murmured and stilled.

He could feel the tension in her shoulders slowly ease up as he held her. As if she was unaccustomed to laying her burdens aside, even for a moment, but couldn't help herself as she slowly sank deeper against his chest.

Alive.

The word sang through him. She was alive and if this was some sort of delusion, he never wanted back to reality, never wanted to see another morning when she wasn't part of the vivacious Universe even if she wasn't at his side.

Kaidan inhaled long and slow, her scent eroding the stink of Omega Station, and allowed himself to shift back slightly, his embrace no longer so desperate, but he couldn't quite bring himself to let her go. Not…not just yet.

Shepard lifted her head from his chest and smiled up at him.

Her fingers had warmed up slightly, but they were still cool as she stroked a shaggy bang from covering his eyes. He hadn't had a hair cut since he'd arrived on Omega Station. There hadn't really seemed to be any point.

"I didn't want you on that final mission." The words were soft, her expression sad. "I wasn't sure any of us would return. I wanted you safe. Joker knew that."

For a long moment he didn't understand her words, didn't understand what she was saying. "You knew who my contact was?"

"No." She shook her head. "I honestly never thought about you having a contact on the Normandy. I had too many Cerberus contacts I was concerned about. And you have never been a threat to me. But Joker….makes sense."

Kaidan's head snapped back, understanding the rest of what she'd said. "He delayed…Joker delayed the message on purpose. So I couldn't join you. So I would…" Blue sparked across his eyes again, his hands shaking with the rage that thought put him in. "Do you have any idea what it was like?" He said in a tone so low that someone might have confused his control with calm. "To sit there, day after day wondering if you were alive? Wonder if I'd ever know for sure. Do you know what it was like for me to think I'd lost you a second time?"

Her large eyes watched him with compassion. "No. I don't know. I don't want to ever experience that. I wanted you safe and safe wasn't something I could offer you before the Omega IV relay."

"Safe isn't something you can offer me now, Shepard." He snapped back. "And it sure as hell wasn't anything I'd ever asked for! I would rather be in danger at your side than ever…_ever_…be stuck safe and sound wondering if you were dead again! You should have given me the choice!"

"Would that be before or after you marched your fine ass away from me on Horizon?" She responded in sugar sweet tones.

"You two should go back to kissing." Garrus commented from his position next to Tali where he'd been watching avidly.

"Unless you prefer hurting one another over events that have occurred and cannot be changed." Tali added, her weight cocked to one hip as she stared at him.

Shepard flushed and gave him a slightly shamed look before turning away.

Frustrated, Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. "Look, is there somewhere we can...talk?"

"I thought we'd just established that was the last thing they needed to do?" Garrus commented to Tali with a note of exasperation in his voice.

"Humans." Tali gave a dramatic sniff. "They never listen."

Shepard glared at the pair of them. "My cabin will suffice."

"Oh, I get it now." Garrus nodded and held up two fingers and bounced them like quotes. "'Talk'."

"I will never understand human euphemisms." Tali agreed.

"Garrus, weapons status. Tali, I want you in Engineering. Tell Ken and Gabby that if they need any replacement parts I'm on Omega now and they'd better speak up." Shepard ordered. "You, with me." She pointed to Kaidan and began to walk toward the airlock of the Normandy.

"Shepard, do we need to have the discussion about my not being under your command again?" Kaidan asked as the other two moved quickly away.

Shepard halted and turned back, her expression a mix of consternation and annoyance. "Please?" The word was more strangled than conciliatory but he would take what he could get.

He smiled. "Of course, Shepard." He said and followed her trying to keep the smug look off of his face.

"She's larger than the first Normandy." Shepard said as they entered the airlock and boarded the ship. "Not necessarily in crew, but in modifications and available space. You'll find the layout very similar for the most part." She turned left rather than the direction he thought she would and headed up toward the cockpit.

"I promise you, EDI, that the crew quarters are a priority to Shepard and should be higher on the list. The last thing Shepard needs is a bunch of cranky ex-Cerberus employees going after her with torches and pitchforks." Joker was arguing as they approached.

"I do not believe we currently are stocked with either of those items, Jeff." The AI answered as Joker rolled his eyes.

"Joker is correct, EDI." Shepard informed him coming to a halt next to them. "It's not more important than the armor of the ship, but it is up there."

"Kaidan Alenko." Joker gave a lopsided grin as he caught sight of the figure behind the Commander. "So they just let anyone on the Normandy now? How long has it been?"

"She already knows, Joker." Kaidan informed him, but extended a hand. "Thank you for your help."

Joker gave a shrug, as if not bothered by the fact Shepard knew. "It would've been different if I thought you were trying to hurt her. Even after Horizon. I'd hit you for that…but it looks like the Commander already did."

"Garrus actually." Kaidan gingerly touched the cut on his mouth again.

"Day's still young." Shepard gave him a disarming smile that made him wary. "EDI, this is Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko. He's to have access to all areas on the Normandy and all security protocols."

That was his Shepard, Kaidan mused with a slight smile. Threaten to punch him in one sentence and then show her absolute trust in the next.

The blue globe of the AI flickered into visibility. "Greetings, Commander Alenko. Commander Shepard, I note marked discrepancies between the image in your cabin and Commander Alenko. You may wish to update your file image."

Shepard froze, her expression tingeing pink. "Thank you, EDI, I'll take that under advisement."

"Image in your cabin?" Kaidan repeated just a tad disingenuous as he looked at Shepard.

A crewman walked up with a datapad for Shepard just then and she took it as a welcome distraction.

"You are looking a bit worn about the edges, Kaidan." Joker commented, his sharp eyes assessing. "Smartest thing you could do? Take the Commander to her cabin and both of you not come out for a couple of weeks."

"Thank you, Joker, I'll take that under advisement as well." Shepard's tone was icy as she handed back the datapad and glared at the pilot.

"Just sayin'. Right now the Reapers could take one look at you, Commander, and run screaming. Especially if you use that expression right there." Joker pointed out.

Kaidan laughed softly. "It's good to see you haven't changed, Joker."

"Come on." Shepard began heading back toward the bridge. "Joker, I need those reports ASAP." She called back over her shoulder.

"Aye, aye, ma'am." Joker answered.

It was interesting, watching the faces of the crew about them, Kaidan mused as he followed her, listening to her address each one by name, introducing him. They still wore Cerberus uniforms, some with the identifying patch cut out, and all of them looked at Shepard with a kind of awe and gratitude that had been so prevalent on the faces of the Citadel survivors as they swept through eliminating the pockets of Geth after Sovereign's death. To look at her, you would think she was oblivious to those glances, the hero worship.

He knew her better than that.

There was a weight on her shoulders that was almost physical. A burden that couldn't be set down or shared with anyone about her and each time some gaze fell on her as an expectant salvation from what was to come, that burden grew heavier.

Maybe the kidnapping plan he'd thought about in the early days after Horizon wasn't such a bad plan after all.

"Hey, boss. Fresh meat?" A cocky voice called as they neared the elevators.

Kaidan glanced once at the young woman approaching them and then after noticing the ink and little else she wore, very carefully kept his gaze on her eyes. The eyes of a killer. One who had laughed at each death and then gone back for more.

"Hi, Jack. No. Not fresh meat." Shepard answered and Kaidan could hear the added authority she put in the words as if she were aware of the need to constantly prove who was the Alpha female of the two. "Commander Kaidan Alenko, this is Jack. Jack, Commander Alenko will be joining us for the next little while."

A smile sharp enough to slit a throat curved generous lips. "He can bunk with me." She closed in on him, her very presence a threat and in her eyes Kaidan saw a flicker of blue.

"You're a biotic." He commented in neutral tones, not wavering his attention from those eyes. Eyes revealed movement, betrayed attacks, and he had a feeling that was exactly what she would do if he turned his back on her. Maybe even if he didn't.

Jack leaned in close, rising to her toes to put her lips near his cheek, breathing across the line of his jaw. "A very good one. I'm good at a lot of things."

"Jack." Shepard's tone was warning enough. "Mine. Back down."

To Kaidan's surprise, the other woman did exactly that, reassessing him.

"This the one, then?" Jack asked giving nothing away of what she thought. "The one you'd think of when you just needed your quiet time?"

"Jack lives on the lowest level of Engineering." Shepard commented softly after giving the inked woman a short nod of agreement. "She wanted some place quiet…without a lot of traffic, is how I think she put it. It's a nice place to just think."

It said a lot, Kaidan mused, that Shepard found her quiet place sitting next to a psychotic human biotic with a prison record that had her banned from most civilized ports.

"I like him. He sees me." Jack bumped her fist into Kaidan's shoulder in a companionable way and then left as abruptly as she'd arrived.

Confused and not a little concerned, Kaidan glanced at Shepard. "I was trying very hard not to see her."

Shepard laughed, her expression brightening. "That's what she meant, Kaidan. Most men never see past her nipple straps to her face. You looked at her eyes."

"It's a…ah, a very unique distraction technique." Kaidan cleared his throat.

"Yep. And I'm sure it's been the last thing more than a few men have seen before they died." Shepard agreed. "Me, I can't see the appeal." A shrug and she was continuing on through the ship. "Yeoman Kelly Chambers is the perky red head. I don't trust her and she'll try to sleep with you."

Kaidan blinked. "She sleep with all the men on the ship?" He questioned as they drew closer.

Shepard shrugged again. "I don't think she's that picky."

"Commander, you have a new message at your private terminal." A cheerful smile accompanied the Yeoman's words but her eyes were on Kaidan.

He suddenly felt threatened in a way far different than he had with Jack.

"Chambers, this is Commander Kaidan Alenko. He'll be berthing on the Normandy for the next while. Until we have repairs made, at least." Shepard motioned to Kaidan before taping a small console and scanning it.

Abruptly all movement stilled in the Commander and Kaidan's fingers itched toward his weapon, wondering where the threat lay. Shepard's eyes hadn't left the console and he noticed she was reading something very carefully, an intentionally blank look on her face, as if to stifle whatever reaction might escape free.

She needed a moment, Kaidan realized as he caught the sharp eyed Yeoman studying Shepard.

"Have you been on the Normandy long?" Kaidan drew Chambers' attention with a harmless smile.

She favored him with a bright smile that conveyed perpetual cheerfulness. "Since Commander Shepard took command, yes. Did the Commander say where she was letting you bunk? There is the crew quarters…"

"Undecided." Shepard broke in tapping several commands on the console. "Thanks, Chambers. That'll be all." She flicked a finger toward Kaidan and feeling very much like a summoned pet, he followed.

But he could feel the interest of the Yeoman stabbing into his back.

"Why is she still aboard?" Kaidan asked as the elevator slid closed.

"Hang on." Shepard pulled a small flat pad from her pocket and tapped a command too fast for his eyes to read.

Surprised, Kaidan watched several small, nearly invisible objects snap and spark before exploding. None of them had been large enough to harm, but the sheer number had his mouth dropping. "Surveillance devices? In the elevator?"

"Why not? They stick them every damn other place." Shepard gave a weary sigh. "I get a perverse satisfaction out of destroying them, but there are always more." She slid the pad back into her pocket. "To answer your question about Chambers…it goes back to the old adage. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Needless to say…don't send me anything you don't want Cerberus reading through the ship's extranet channels. I'll give you codes to personal secure accounts that I can access."

She looked so tired, so exhausted. Kaidan stepped forward, his hands catching her arms. "Shepard…Kaet." Her name was soft on his lips and for a brief moment her expression showed something other than stress and fatigue. Something that had him bending over her, his lips almost touching…

The elevator door slid open.

Shepard laughed softly and stepped back. "Whoops. Should have told you the elevators go much faster on this Normandy."

"That's a damn shame." Kaidan said with such heartfelt irritation that she laughed. "You need a vacation, Shepard. You need a break."

"I'd say I'd rest when I die, but, well. You know how that turned out." She retorted and headed to the right.

"No. I don't." He corrected her, watching as she paused, mid-step and turned to look at him, confused. "I know rumor. I know supposition. Cerberus was very reluctant to part with any concrete information about your…recovery. There were more than a few petitions to have your command status reinstated so you could be forced to return for experiments. They wanted to find out how Cerberus did it. Brought you back."

Fury, absolute and cold and deadly darkened the features that he loved so well. "No." The short word held a wealth of hate. "No more experiments. No more enhancements. No one touches my body but me."

Kaidan blinked. "Well, there went my reason for arranging berth on the Normandy." The words were dry and utterly sincere.

Startled she paused and then burst out laughing.

"Now there is a pleasant sound not heard before." A soothing female voice commented as a tall Asari woman came around the curving wall.

That wasn't all that was curved, either, Kaidan thought as a slow blush worked its way up his cheeks.

Like many teenage boys, he'd had a healthy interest in the Asari and had studied them avidly where his mother would never find him or the holos. He could honestly say he'd never seen a more enticing representative of the species than the one sauntering toward him on high heels, her armor looking painted on and showing a wide gap to his everlasting admiration from her front collar bones to just above her navel.

He could also say that Shepard's expression could back down a charging Krogan and make him whimper in submission.

This was going to be more difficult than staring Jack in the eye.

"Samara, may I introduce you to Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko, Alliance Military. Commander Alenko this is Justicar Samara. She graciously swore herself to my service and helped me defeat the Collectors." Shepard was still glaring, but it was minor compared to the respect in her voice and body language as she introduced them.

"I am honored to meet a friend of Commander Shepard."

Ah, geez, even her voice was everything a teenage boy could hope for, Kaidan silently groaned and outwardly gave a nod of respect.

"I apologize for being somewhat unfamiliar with Asari Justicars." He sincerely hoped his voice was even but judging from the flash in Shepard's eyes, his attempts at normalcy were wasted. "They are of an equivalent to the Council's Spectres, are they not?"

"Not exactly." Samara responded, but her smile held no anger at his lack of knowledge. "I would be more than happy to educate any friend of Shepard's on the role of a Justicar."

"Kaidan would love that." Shepard drawled in sardonic tones. "Kaidan is also one of the more powerful human biotics. He was exposed to eezo while in gestation and began active training as a teenager in the use of his abilities."

"Ah." Samara gave him a long study. "I would be honored to study these abilities, Commander Alenko, if you have the time."

"All the time you need." Kaidan said without thinking and Shepard pulled her Hand Cannon, casually looking it over. Clearing his throat, he licked his lips. "Justicar Samara, I can think it only to my benefit if you were to assess and possibly counsel improvement in those abilities."

"Of course." Samara smiled at him. "I think it only fair to warn you, Commander Alenko, that if you betray Commander Shepard, my Code will compel me to kill you even though you are human."

"You'd have to beat Shepard to it." Kaidan wryly answered, one corner of his mouth kicking up in a smile. "Have no fear, Justicar. I would like to learn anything you can teach me, but I am on this ship for Commander Shepard."

Shepard holstered her gun and looked away but Kaidan caught the edge of emotion that chased across her face.

"You make her laugh." Samara said softly, smiling at him. "This is a rare gift. Do not squander it." With that pronouncement she passed him and entered the elevator.

"I think she likes you." Shepard commented.

"I'm still breathing, aren't I?" Kaidan responded in droll tones. "Tell me something, Shepard, how many more women did you recruit for this suicide mission of yours and why did you allow Joker to have the final say in what their uniforms would look like?"

"Only three…four if you count Miranda and don't be silly." She responded smiling at him. "If I'd allowed Joker final say they'd all be in thongs and pasties. So would I."

The surge of lust that image inspired burned through Kaidan and had him pausing for a moment, his gaze on Shepard as almost three years of celibacy made themselves known with a fierce vengeance.

"Let's change the subject, okay?" He pleaded.

She frowned at him for a breath and then her eyes widened slightly and her gaze dropped. "Oh." She said as a slow smile curved her lips. "I guess it's been a couple of months, hmm?"

"Years, Shepard." He corrected unable to keep a faint note of bitterness out of his tone. "It's been almost three years."

Just like that all of her humor fled and the mask tinged with exhaustion was back in place. He could have kicked himself for driving her back behind her walls and began to search for something, anything to say that would make her laugh once again.

She opened her mouth to say something only to have her gaze flicker past him.

"Hello, Thane."

Kaidan didn't like the warmth in her voice and was only slightly more accepting of the nod of respect she directed to the Drell who had joined them.

"Commander Shepard." The nod was returned and Kaidan found himself studying the elegant Drell.

The elegant Drell _assassin_.

"This is…" Shepard began only to be cut off.

"Commander Kaidan Alenko. Alliance Military. Spectre, although the last is less well known." Thane gave a second nod that was as graceful and honorable as the one he had given Shepard. "I declined a contract to assassinate you."

"_What?!_" Shepard demanded, what little color she had in her face draining away. "Who offered that contract?"

"Thank you for not fulfilling it, Thane Krios." Kaidan answered sincerely. "I am familiar with your talents and skills. I am also aware of your efforts to make the universe a better place over the last year or so."

"Who offered the contract?" Shepard demanded again.

Thane's liquid eyes studied her. "A man most illusive who is known to us both."

"I'll kill him." Shepard stated in flat determined tones. "I will actively hunt that son of a bitch down and I will smile as I empty every last bit of ammo in my gun into his head."

Kaidan gave her a half smile before turning his attention back to Thane. "Do you know if the contract was accepted by anyone else?"

Thane shook his head. "It was withdrawn shortly after that and shortly before your assignment to Horizon. It was my belief that The Illusive Man had found another purpose for you."

Shepard began swearing and wasn't subtle about it, drawing the attention of those around them.

"Calm down, Shepard." Kaidan advised her and saw her blink in surprise at the order.

Eventually she was going to accept that he wasn't her subordinate anymore.

"I can access a few contacts and find out if the contract has been reinstated." Thane said, his eyes on Kaidan.

"I would appreciate that." He nodded at the assassin. "I will be berthing on the Normandy for the foreseeable future and should be available for any information you can share."

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Commander Alenko." Thane nodded and retreated back to Life Support.

"You have absolutely no problem with the fact he was once offered a contract to kill you." Shepard said puzzled as she studied him.

Kaidan smiled. "Out of everyone on this ship, Shepard, who do you think has the most kills?"

"Me." She answered without hesitation.

A shadow covered his dark eyes. "I wouldn't lay money on that. I haven't exactly been crying over your grave the last three years."

Shepard looked taken aback. "I have a grave?" She asked her expression a curious mix of morbid curiosity and revulsion.

"Four at last count." Kaidan nodded. "Every colony you saved wanted their own piece of commemorative to help with tourism."

"My grave…graves…are _tourist attractions_?" She demanded, shocked.

"You have at least as many or more memorials. My personal favorite is the wedding chapel with the singing Saren impersonator." Kaidan gave her a half smile, watching the consternation play across her features. "Several are little more than 'Shepard walked here and here are the marks where she fired her gun and those are the bloodstains of those she killed'."

"Did people go nuts after I died?" She demanded.

"They needed a hero, Shepard. They needed you." He answered softly.

She shook her head, her expression bitter. "I'm not a hero, Kaidan. I'm just someone who gets the job done."

His smile was slight as he followed her. "Isn't that the definition of a hero, Shepard?"

"No." She answered emphatically. "Heroes don't resent what's been asked of them. Heroes don't look at the cost and wonder why they had to pay it. Heroes…" She looked at him, her eyes bright with anger and grief. "Heroes get to be with the one they love when it's all said and done. They get the white picket fence, the peace they've earned."

Kaidan tilted his head at her. "Where'd you hear that bullshit?" He asked in sardonic tones. "Shepard, like it or not, you are a hero. That's what everyone on this ship sees as they walk by you."

She studied him for a long breath. "Is that what you see, Kaidan? A hero?"

"Yes." He nodded and caught her arm as she turned away from him. "But it isn't all I see, Shepard. It isn't even the first thing I see."

"Kaidan…" She began and then pressed her lips together. "I'm not sure…I don't know…"

"Does it have to be figured out right now, Shepard?" He asked tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"It's been…" She paused, her expression utterly weary and he could see her trying to figure the time frame out in her mind. "A long time, Kaidan. I…we…have lost so much and I am terrified of losing more."

A crewman called a greeting to her, handed her another datapad and she closed down the momentary vulnerability on her face to scan and then sign the file.

"This is impossible." Kaidan gave an exasperated sigh. "Even if we go to your cabin you're going to constantly be interrupted."

"Price of command." She gave him a wry smile. "Of being a hero."

"You know better than to push someone to the point of breaking." Kaidan snapped back. "You are breaking, Shepard, and I refuse to allow it."

"Don't worry about it, Kaidan." She gave him a disarming grin. "They'll just put me back together again."

Kaidan opened his mouth with a hot retort and was again cut off by another datapad that needed her attention.

He was a patient man. He had learned to manage his temper years ago, promising that never again would someone lose their life simply because he had lost control. He had found comfort in the rigid rules and regulations of Military life because they helped him maintain that control, taught him to know the boundaries and then how to safely exceed them. Taught him how to never be out of control.

Kaidan snatched the datapad from her hands and flung it across the room to shatter against the far wall near the Mess Sergeant's head.

"Really, Gardner's cooking has improved." A woman's refined voice drawled from behind Kaidan and he bit back an oath.

"Miranda. I was just coming for you." Shepard gave Kaidan a questioning glance before turning her attention back to the sleek brunette.

"We have a new crewman?" The cultured words held just a hint of amusement as large dark eyes stared at him, assessing him. "Surely that's a waste of Commander Alenko's skills and talents."

A cascade of conflicting emotions raged through Kaidan as he stared at the symmetrical face before him, specifically crafted to attract and please a man and doing nothing for him but raising every instinct to fight and protect.

"I'm more than capable of deciding what is a waste of my abilities, Ms Lawson." He answered and found he'd unconsciously moved between Shepard and the Cerberus agent only after the amusement lit the devious woman's face.

"Commander Kaidan Alenko, meet Miranda Lawson. Miranda, Kaidan." Shepard needlessly introduced in sardonic tones. "Now go to your separate corners and don't come out fighting."

With a disdain that reminded him of his mother's Siamese cat, Miranda Lawson dismissed him from her attention and focused on Shepard.

"I've appropriated four different accounts and laundered the money through various contacts. We have enough the repair the ship and restock our supplies if we're frugal." Miranda told her. "I've also worked out several plans to appropriate more funds from pirates and mercenaries when the time comes."

"That's better than scanning for minerals." Shepard nodded. "Good job, Miranda. Unfortunately, you'll have to take charge of the Normandy for the next little while. I have a personal matter to take care of."

"What?" Kaidan managed to get the question out a half breath before Miranda's.

"Yes, I know." Shepard said in disgusted tones that seemed to encompass them both. "God forbid I have a personal matter and be out of contact of the whole frickin' Universe."

"You were out of contact for two whole years, Shepard." Miranda pointed out and Kaidan bit back the exact same words, glaring at the Cerberus agent.

"Deal with it." Shepard advised. "I will be out of contact for the foreseeable future. You two will have to learn to work together…"

"I will not work with Cerberus." Kaidan cut her off.

"Well, that's handy as I am no longer with Cerberus." Miranda snapped at him. "Shepard, I strongly advise that you…"

"Knock it off. Both of you." Shepard's voice snapped across all of their protests. "It's not negotiable."

"Okay, we're actually going to have to have the conversation about me not being under your command again, aren't we?" Kaidan crossed his arms on his chest, gazing pointedly at her.

"My ship, my rules." Shepard stated flatly.

"You won't be on your ship, will you?" He countered and was childishly pleased at the frown of consternation that narrowed her features.

"As much as it pains me to say…" Miranda glared at him. "And make no mistake, it does pain me. You need back up on whatever mission you're undertaking. I recommend Thane Krios. Or Zaeed Massani. Neither are crucial to the repairs of the Normandy."

Kaidan simply looked at Shepard, ignoring Miranda. "I would like to accompany you, Shepard, but if not me, then, yes, you need back up."

"What about the Council? Anderson?" She asked him.

Once corner of his mouth lifted in a slow smile. "I'm on liberty. Anderson is not happy that I've chosen now to enforce my vacation, but he can't deny I've earned it."

A stunning smile lit her face and he sucked in a silent breath at how beautiful she was.

"Then I would like you to come with me." She said.

Kaidan arched an eyebrow at her.

Irritation had her lips thinning. "Please."

"Yeah, we'll work on that, Shepard."


	2. Chapter 2

"You know most women have difficult packing too much." Kaidan said from just behind her. "Mind you, usually it's clothing they're trying to bring too much of."

Shepard didn't spare him a glare, focusing on the weapons in front of her. The Widow Maker was a must. She went nowhere without it. The Hand Cannon as well, but really would she need her Cain? Where she was going they would get really pissed if she did major structural damage.

Opening her mouth she turned to ask Kaidan his opinion and found his gaze firmly on her butt. Arching an eyebrow, she crossed her arms over her chest.

With an unrepentant, boyish grin, he moved to her side.

"Where are we going?" He asked, looking at the weapons.

"Room's bugged." She answered absentmindedly. "Jacob was going to get on that after he finishes repairs on the shuttle and Hammerhead."

"How do you live like this?" Kaidan demanded in exasperation.

"Timmy wants to watch me sleep, he's had two years of footage he can go over." Shepard shrugged. "As for conversation…it's not exactly like I have a lot of personal chatty moments."

Something in her face must have disturbed him, though she couldn't say what. He cupped her chin and stroked a thumb over the line of her jaw.

"You used to come talk to me all the time." The words were soft.

If she pointed out he hadn't been here, it was just going to start an argument and she didn't want that. He was here. He was coming with her.

A faint smile touched her lips.

They had time.

"Room's bugged." She reminded him again, letting him know she wasn't going to have any personal discussions while in a compromised area. "I'll leave the Cain." She finally decided. "If I can't take it out with the Hand Cannon and the Widow Maker then you'll just have to play hero and save this damsel in distress."

Guilt/grief/pain flickered across his face and he looked away from her, his warm hand dropping from her cheek.

What was that about? Frowning, she studied him, but he was pointedly looking someplace else, not wanting her to see what it was he was thinking. She'd been flippant. Why would that make him hurt? There was so much about him that was changed that she was having trouble processing it. Her mind kept trying to tell her she'd only been out of his presence for a couple of months while everything and everyone around her screamed that years had passed.

"Kaidan…" She began.

"Room's bugged." He reminded her.

Shepard let loose a long stream of colorful profanity about what whoever was listening could do with their bugs.

Kaidan simply arched an eyebrow at her. "I see that hasn't changed in three years."

"I was dead, not lobotomized." She retorted and was rewarded with his laughter.

"Are you done? Can we leave now?" He asked with an exaggerated sigh softened by the smile on his lips. "You've gone to the bathroom, watered the plants, fed the animals…"

The animals? Now why did that raise alarms for her…"Oh, shit!"

She raced out of the weapons rooms, Kaidan confused, but following.

"Come on, come on." She snarled at the elevator and slammed the top floor when it arrived.

"Shepard, what's wrong?" Kaidan was at her side, his hand on his weapon.

She gave him a sick smile. "I forgot the fish."

"Fish?" He repeated carefully.

"Look, I've been busy saving the Universe, okay?" She immediately went on the defensive. "And they might still be alive. It's not my fault I've been too tired to do anything but fall into bed after a double shift."

The doors opened and she darted into her cabin seeing the floating corpses at the top of the tank.

"Okay, really, Shepard, your language has gotten worse." Kaidan said disapprovingly from behind her as she cussed.

Slamming her fist against the recycling button she watched the little bodies get sucked away. Really, she was getting better. They had lasted longer than the last batch. Next time she would be more careful. Maybe set a timer or have EDI send her an alert every time they needed to be fed. She'd get those blue ones with the pretty tails again.

"That is a really big bed."

Shepard froze.

"Uhn." She said with articulate brilliance.

Kaidan's eyes darkened, his head tilting slightly as a slow smile lifted the corners of his mouth. With measured deliberation his gaze dipped, sliding over her curves with loving admiration, going back to a favored spot occasionally only to continue on.

She wanted. Oh, how she wanted, Shepard thought, her blood zinging through her as nerves she hadn't been entirely sure had been resurrected with her began singing their approval of the man in front of her.

"Please tell me this room isn't bugged." Kaidan's voice held an almost desperate plea as he stepped closer.

Damn Cerberus.

"Most likely, yes." She sucked in a deep breath, closing her eyes, calming herself. "Besides, I give it three minutes and my console will be pinging with messages and updates on the repair status."

"Okay." Kaidan gave in with a last, longing look toward the bed. "Just so you know, when we get back? I'm bunking here. With you."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "You don't seriously expect me to object to that, do you?"

He chuckled. "The whole 'my ship, my rules' had me concerned."

"Oh, it is my ship." Shepard informed him crossing her arms under her breasts, hip cocked to one side as she studied him. "My command decisions supersede that of anyone else on board, including you, Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko."

He nodded. "I can agree with that in every case but one, Shepard." Somber brown eyes, flecked with green studied her. "I will never abandon you in the middle of an attack again. You want to place the safety of your people, your ship first, I will back you all the way. But you need to understand and take into account that my highest priority is you. Your safety. I will not obey any order from you that places you in jeopardy and me in safety. Never again."

Shepard loosened her stance, crossing the room, her fingers tracing the hard ridge of his brow until her palm cupped his cheek, her thumb stroking his upper lip as he leaned into her touch.

"I never meant to die on you, Kaidan." The words were regretful and soft.

His eyes sank closed, cutting her off from the glimpse of the agony in his soul. "I know, Shepard. But that didn't make it hurt any less." Placing both hands on her hips, he pulled her snug against his chest, pressing his lips against her forehead. "I love you, Kaet. I know it isn't in you to sit back when something needs to be done. I'm just asking that you let me be there with you. Let me help you."

"Kaidan…" Her expression was full of consternation. "Wouldn't you rather have a nice, comfy padded room with no sharp objects that you can get hurt on?" The question was plaintive.

He laughed. "Only if you're there with me, Kaet." He cupped her butt giving her a delicious squeeze and then carefully backed away. "Now, if you have somewhere you need to be, let's get gone before I say the hell with surveillance devices in the room."

She laughed, bussed his mouth with a kiss and kept hold of his hand, pulling him toward the door.

* * *

"How much do you know of my childhood?"

Kaidan pulled his gaze from the Battarians sitting several seats in front of them and looked at the woman sitting next to him in the commercial freighter's passenger section. "Earthborn, weren't you? You grew up on the streets. That's probably where you learned all those colorful words you use when you get irritated."

"Hah." Shepard snorted at him. "I speak the language of the Alliance Marines, Kaidan Alenko, and how you managed to make it as high as a Staff Commander in that austere group without learning it is beyond me."

"Austere?" He repeated with a laugh. "Did you ever go on shore leave with a unit of Marines? Austere isn't exactly the word I would use. Giggling bunch of drunken loons is more like it."

A slow smile curved her lips. "Yeah, let's just say this particular Marine always led the way on those kinds of shore leaves."

He laughed and couldn't help himself, brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes. The understanding in her expression told him she had noticed that he couldn't let many minutes pass before touching her, reassuring himself that she was real, that she was near.

Clearing his throat, he gave a shrug and returned to her question. "We ran into members of your old gang on the Citadel. They wanted you to get a Turian to free one of their group."

"Group." Shepard sneered the word and shook her head. "It's a delusion of civility for them to call themselves a group. They're a gang. My old gang. Tenth Street Reds." She looked away from him, her eyes on the metal gray wall next to her, but her attention years in the past.

"They've asked you for something else? Some other favor?" Kaidan prompted after she was silent for several minutes.

She shook her head, her gaze still lost in memories. "No. I think Finch learned that I will never give him what he wants. I will never allow anyone to have that kind of control over me." Blue eyes looked at him. "There are a lot of reasons I find it very relaxing to sit with Jack in the bottom deck when she is the least relaxing person on the Normandy."

Kaidan frowned and then understood, nodding. "She reminds you of someone."

"Growing up, getting attached to others wasn't…recommended." An ironic smile touched her lips at the word. "I'm not complaining, just stating. I learned to be a survivor because I grew up on the streets, Kaidan. I learned to listen to others' advice but make my own decisions. I learned to do what was needed to win. I learned to covet the loyalty of others because some day, some way, you will need them and you want them to be happy about it."

For a long moment she was silent again, her expression rueful and proud and regretful all at the same time. He waited her out, his fingers rubbing the palm of her hand.

"Her name is Samantha. Mantha." Shepard finally said, the words almost an explosion, as if saying them had been a great battle that she had been determined to win. "You'll notice the family resemblance the moment you meet her, but we never bothered to find out if it was mother or father we had in common." Her shoulders lifted and dipped. "It never mattered. We met when she was fourteen. I was twelve."

Another long silence, as if revealing that much information…more than he had ever heard before…had exhausted her and she needed to summon her strength.

"Jack is broken." She said quietly. "She will never believe there are people out there who mean her no harm, who would enjoy being a friend to her simply because they like her and not because they need something from her. She's been used, abused, too much. Even my relationship with her is based upon the fact I needed her for a mission…a suicide mission, no less. That will forever stain what could have been a friendship under other circumstances."

The regret was so heavy in her voice, the guilt, that Kaidan couldn't keep silent. "Shepard…Kaet, you're one of the few who would even want a friendship with her. Give yourself credit for that at least."

Shepard shrugged the compliment away. "Mantha had that edge when I knew her. The streets don't bring out your soft compassionate side. To survive you have to prove you are the toughest, the meanest and that you have no weakness. Weakness gets you killed. Never give anything away for free. Money, food…love." The last was a bit ironic as her gaze briefly flickered to him. "I don't know what prompted Mantha to pull me out of that garbage can. I was mostly dead."

_Garbage can? Mostly dead?_ Kaidan's gut froze in a fear that was years past being necessary and all the more painful for it.

She continued, not noticing his reaction. "I'd had the crap beaten out of me for being on the wrong persons turf…and she wasted resources to see I was fed and healed."

It said something, Kaidan thought, his gut clenched, that she so unconsciously placed food above having her wounds tended to.

"In my more cynical moments, I think she was narcissistic enough to want a pet that looked so much like her. Later, when I proved to have a talent for sniping, for sneaking into enemy territory, taking out a target and getting back before anyone noticed, that's when I became valuable." A faint smile touched her lips. "She pushed me to get better, improve my Infiltrator skills, punished me when I slacked off. The one time I messed with drugs she first beat up the guy who'd given them to me…cut off several of his fingers and threatened to go for other, more valuable appendages…and then threatened to beat me bloody and dump me back in that garbage can and if I was going to throw my life away she wasn't going to stay around to watch it. Scared the Hell out of me." She flicked dismissing fingers, shaking her head. "Oh, not being beaten up. That was a weekend lark for me, the street wars we got in. But that she would leave me alone. In her own, twisted way she cared for me and she was the only one I couldn't live without."

Listening, his gut cold with what might have been, Kaidan wasn't expecting the utterly sweet smile she gave him.

"Until you, anyway."

Kaidan pulled her mouth to his, his lips soft and gentle as if to erase every bad thing that had happened to her. He wanted to put himself between her and defy anything that wanted to harm her to come near and try to get past him. That padded room with no sharp edges she wanted to put him in? Sounded perfect so long as he could keep her there with him.

Reluctantly, she pulled back, her breathing heavy. Licking her lips, she glanced about them and gave a soft curse.

"You do know that eventually you and I will be surrounded by no one else and I will make up for three years of celibacy?" He told her

"Oh, please, no, Kaidan." She moaned in a mock distressed voice. "You mustn't."

He laughed and discretely repositioned his legs so he would be in a more comfortable position and then regretfully returned to the subject. "Where is Mantha? Still on Earth?"

She shook her head. "No. She's on the fringes. Sessrumnir is the colony name. It's where we're headed."

"Is she in trouble?"

Shepard inhaled a deep breath, frowned and gave a half shrug. "Not sure. It was a brief message." She pulled a datapad from the duffle at her feet and keyed it on for him.

_**K.**_

_** You made a promise.**_

_** M.**_

Kaidan read it again, thoughtfully. "Obscure much?" He asked handing the datapad back.

Shepard chuckled. "Old habit. Messages can go where you don't want them to. Especially when Cerberus is involved. Best to give them nothing to work on. The information I actually needed…where she is, etc, was embedded in an encrypted file attached to the message, but you had to know it was there to find it." She put the datapad up and then rubbed her nose. "This is the first we've contacted one another since I lied about my age and joined the Alliance."

"Why not keep in touch?" Kaidan asked.

She looked at him and he could tell she was giving serious consideration about whether to tell something. Finally, sighing, rubbing her stress spot between her eyes, she came to a decision and looked away from him as if unable to watch him and still be able to say what she needed to say.

"Mantha went to prison around the same time I entered the Military." Shepard finally said, quietly. "Manslaughter was the charge they proved. Court records say she was attacked at knifepoint, almost raped and killed her attacker. With a decent lawyer, instead of the rookie she pulled, it would have been extenuating circumstances and a walk. Instead the prosecution, pressured by the dead boy's upstanding parents, labeled her a violent gang leader…she was in charge of the Reds at the time of the attack…and convinced a jury that she was a danger to society. "

"That's not right." Kaidan said quietly.

"Oh, defending herself was allowed." Shepard gave him a half smile. "Encouraged even. It was sitting there, watching him bleed to death that got her the manslaughter conviction. He could have been saved if medics had been called soon enough. The jury didn't buy her shell shock defense, even though every bit of that defense was true save for one small detail." Very carefully she disengaged her hand from his and moved slightly away. "I was sixteen. He was my boyfriend and I thought I loved him. He thought it daring to date a girl like me just to piss his parents off. He also thought I'd be an easy bit of ass."

Kaidan let out an almost silent groan. "Ah, Kaet." He reached for her hands, but she denied him, moving them where he couldn't give her the touch she wasn't ready for just yet.

"He didn't like hearing the word no from street trash like me." Her attention was on the bulkhead. "His mistake was thinking that just because I was street trash I couldn't defend myself. He wasn't even the first person I killed. Just the only one I'd let myself have feelings for."

She was silent a long moment, gathering her thoughts.

"Mantha took the rap for it, for reasons I've never understood." The words were soft. "Told me to get out. To get a life that didn't involve bleeding on the streets waiting for the time death would finally choose me. She said this was the second time she'd bought my life and by God I was going to do something worthwhile with it to pay her back. I was going to prove it hadn't been a waste. So I told the recruiting officer I was eighteen…no birth records to say otherwise…and signed up." A faint smile touched her lips. "In Basic they noted that I had a talent for fighting and no inhibitions about killing. I was told yesterday was the easiest day of my life and shuffled to N7 training." She shrugged. "The rest is all Military record."

"You promised her you'd repay that debt." Kaidan said softly. "Repay her giving you a chance at life by going to prison for you."

"A hero would have stepped forward and told the truth about who had killed that boy." The words were bitter.

"A scared sixteen year old would have done exactly as the only person who had ever loved her ordered her to." Kaidan countered as he began to understand the woman next to him better.

Shepard would never allow the title of hero to rest easily on her shoulders. Forever in her own mind, she would be that young girl who had taken the coward's way out and let another pay the price for a crime she had committed. No matter how many lives she saved, how many people thanked her, she would never forgive herself that one choice.

"I would like very much to meet Mantha." Kaidan said quietly. "She must be an incredible woman."

"You hit on her and I'll shoot you." Shepard informed him and had he laughed as she intended.

Reaching out he grabbed her hands and pulled her close. "Thank you for telling me."

"Kaidan, there are three people that know the truth of what happened." She said quietly. "Two of them were there and now there's you."

She had never said the words aloud to him. Never told him she loved him as a casual response to his own voicing of his feelings, even before her death. The only time she'd used the words had been in the message sent before the Omega IV relay and he knew she'd only sent them then because she wasn't sure she was coming back. He'd taken that as a sign that she wasn't confident in her feelings just yet and that if he was simply patient she would become comfortable with what she felt. Now he understood how mistaken he'd been. She knew exactly what she felt for him even though everything in her childhood had taught her, trained her against not only allowing herself to show such 'weakness', but to actually feel them, let alone speak of them.

That was fine. He could wait. He had her back, was at her side. If he were patient, eventually she would trust him enough to say the words.

* * *

Sessrumnir reminded Shepard of the parts of Eden Prime that hadn't been burned and didn't have spikes with corpses impaled on them. Peaceful enough, the space port busy. Fields ready for harvest could be seen in the distance and not so many people that you felt crowded.

Shepard immediately wanted to leave.

"Is anyone meeting us or are we catching transport?" Kaidan asked at her back where he carried both duffel bags. She'd allowed the chivalry because it left both of her hands free for her weapons if they were needed…something she didn't feel it necessary to point out to him. He'd just go all protective and then she'd have to shoot him to prove she could take care of herself.

She activated her omni-tool, accessing the map function. "We're not too far from the hostel I'd planned on staying at. Want to hoof it?"

"No, I want to put these bags down where they won't get stolen and won't interfere with me drawing my gun if it's needed. I don't like relying only on my biotics alone for defensive work."

Of course, she thought with wry humor. She'd underestimated him. He'd deliberately taken the bags because he could hold them and still use his biotics to defend them should he feel it necessary, leaving her hands free because her skill with guns was better than his own. A perfect strategy of offense and defense. Not bad.

"Kaet?"

At first she didn't respond to the hesitant call of her name…it was rare for someone she knew to use it, even Kaidan only used it in intimate conversation, and almost unheard of from a complete stranger.

Shepard turned and blinked as she stared into the face of a ghost…or her childhood.

"Wow." Kaidan said, equally stunned.

The teenage girl had Shepard's dark black hair and light blue eyes. She also had the broad cheeks and jaw that spoke of Native American ancestry not too far back in their genetic makeup. They looked so much alike that Kaidan gave her a questioning glance that had a half smile curving the corners of her mouth.

"No, Kaidan, I haven't had any children. I think I would have remembered that." She said before stepping toward the young girl. "I mentioned that Mantha and I looked a lot alike."

"Samantha Morganstern is my mother." The girl extended a hand that shook only slightly to show her nervousness. "My name is Kaetayne. Most call me Tayne."

"Oh." Shepard said shaking the girl's hand. "I'm…Comm…Kaet Shepard. This is Kaidan Alenko."

"Mom asked me to keep watch. She said it wouldn't take you long to get here once she sent that message." Tayne shook Shepard's hand and then blushed furiously as she took Kaidan's. "Uhm, I'm to bring you to her at our place. We have room for you to stay." She motioned to the sleek and shiny transport just behind her.

Shepard arched a questioning brow at Kaidan, silently asking for his opinion.

"Might as well." Kaidan shrugged.

"Thank you, Tayne." Shepard smiled. "I get shotgun. Kaidan will ride in the back."

"I'll make sure I wear my safety restraints, Mom." Kaidan drawled following behind her.

"Don't mind him, Tayne. It's his time of the month." Shepard said sweetly and then yelped at the smack on her rear.

The teenager laughed, some of her tension easing as she rushed ahead to open the door for them.

"She looks exactly like you." Kaidan said quietly moving to Shepard's side, his gaze on the teenager.

"Like me when I joined the Alliance." Shepard agreed. "Whatever made Mantha send for me, Tayne doesn't know what it is."

He nodded. "She thinks it a trip. A vacation." He gave Shepard a study. "Is it?"

Shepard frowned slightly and shrugged. "Maybe it is. Maybe Mantha just wants to reconnect after all of these years."

"She would have heard of your death, Kaet." He continued. "Your…revival is less well known. It's had less time to spread, to be believed. But she sent you a message knowing it would be answered."

Tayne gave them a curious look, waiting by the transport.

Shepard gave a deep sigh. "Guess we'll find out." She murmured and joined the teenager.

* * *

"Mantha lives here?" Shepard asked, impressed as the gates swung open and the hovercar slid neatly along the path toward a large home. "Guess you do have room for us."

Tayne laughed. "Mom's done well for herself. After she got us out of prison she decided she was never going back and that being poor not only sucked, it was annoying."

"'Us'?" Kaidan repeated the word, his gaze on the teenager.

Nodding, she tucked hair behind her ear. "Yeah, Mom was pregnant when she got sent up for killing that guy. She got moved to a Maternity Detention Center right before I was born."

"What?" Shepard asked, the words as stark as the expression on her pale face.

Tayne considered her with wide blue eyes. "Oh, it isn't a secret. Mom went to prison for killing this asshole who tried to rape her. Guy tries to rape a pregnant woman and she goes to jail for defending herself, can you believe it?" Disgusted, she settled the hovercar at the foot of a wide staircase and hopped out of the car as soon as the door lifted.

"Kaet." Kaidan said quietly as she struggled with the emotion she'd just been sucker punched with.

"I'm fine." The words were terse and she stepped out of the vehicle.

"No. You're not." He contradicted and then glanced about them. "But here isn't the place to discuss it."

Shepard climbed out of the transport and looked at the stairs, holding out her hand for her duffel. Kaidan looked at her hand, looked at her and then ignored the silent order heading up the staircase, both bags in hand.

Narrowing her eyes, Shepard followed.

"I can tell where you're looking, Shepard." Kaidan called back over his shoulder. "That would be cause for misconduct charges if both of us were still in the Alliance."

Snorting, laughing, feeling better as he'd intended, Shepard shook her head. "Yeah. Like you'd complain, Alenko."

* * *

Mantha Morganstern had a six inch neon blue Mohawk that spiked straight up the center of her head and ran all the way to the base of her skull where it extended to a long tail that hung low on her back. Spiked earrings stabbed through ears lobes and cartilage, no two alike in her many different holes. Light blue eyes so like Shepard's were lined with kohl, a tattoo of an ankh residing on the outside corner of the right one outlined in a brilliant blue that matched her hair and then slowly dimmed to a glowing bronze as Kaidan watched.

She was also extremely pregnant and the words 'Not a tumor' were tattooed on the upper curve of her exposed belly.

The resemblance between the Shepard and this woman was so marked Kaidan could see why they had never bothered to figure out the paternity issue of mother or father in common. Neither had needed the verification of blood relation.

Kaidan was strongly reminded of his brief meeting with Jack when he looked in those eyes and found them assessing him with a wary intensity.

If he'd thought his reunion with Shepard had been awkward, it had nothing on the one taking place now between the two women. Shepard was no longer a terrified sixteen year old and Mantha Rivers bore the marks of her years in prison with a defiance that challenged anyone who met her.

"How many of those do you have?" Shepard asked jutting her chin toward the round mound of belly.

Mantha smiled slightly, warily as she stood in the grand hall of her home, inviting them in. "Just the one inside, right now. If you're including outside…three." She spared Kaidan a glance before looking at Shepard again. "How about you?"

"No thanks. I heard it was painful to get them out." Shepard answered pithily enough and Mantha laughed.

"There is that." She motioned them into the room. "You look good for a dead woman, Shepard."

"It was very relaxing, best vacation I've had in years. Slept right through it." Shepard responded and earned a raised eyebrow from Kaidan at how neatly she skated over all the other issues being dead had caused her.

"You're Commander Kaidan Alenko." Mantha threw the words as a challenge, as if daring him to deny it. "You helped her defeat Saren and the Geth. I saw you on the vids, afterwards."

He gave a slow nod, considering her. "I am."

"Shepard always did have a good eye for a nice piece of ass." Mantha continued. "Are you sleeping with her?"

"We're in the middle of a dry spell right now." Kaidan answered in droll tones not bothering to rise to her attempt at seeing if he was easily offended. "But don't bother putting us in separate rooms."

Mantha laughed, her face transformed by the act to one of beauty. "I like him, Kaet. Is he as stubborn as you?"

"I'm not stubborn." Shepard responded.

"She's aggressively opinionated." Kaidan added and earned a glare and another laugh.

"I do like you, Kaidan Alenko." Mantha rubbed her back and shifted her weight. "Come sit down." She began leading them down the hall, her pace slow and measured, belly forward as if to clear the path.

Shepard gave her back a suspicious look. "You're not going to pop that kid out while we're here, are you?"

Mantha rolled her eyes. "I will if you don't let me sit down." She threatened and Shepard quickly fell into line.

Kaidan silently laughed and followed the two women.

Mantha led them into an elegant study with fine prints hanging from the walls, several sculptures and shelves upon shelves of books. Shepard headed instantly for the books, running her finger along the spines.

"You always did love the real thing." Shepard commented, running her gaze over the titles.

Mantha laughed softly. "The first gift you ever stole for me was a paperback book. It got torched when our place was firebombed by the 8 Balls. Pissed me off but good."

Nodding, Shepard spared her a smile. "I remember that. You blew up their HQ in retaliation. Took out the top four heavy weights of the gang. They never recovered and we stole a lot of their territory. Got yourself made leader of the Reds for that little bit of revenge."

Crossing the room, Mantha settled into a chair, shifting only slightly as it conformed about her body to make her more comfortable. "Fortunately, that wasn't the height of my career."

Shepard looked about the room. "I'd say not." She commented.

Kaidan found a wide expanse of wall where he could watch the room and leaned against it, content to simply watch the two women find their way with one another again.

"Let's just say prison was an education." Mantha gave her a meaningless smile deliberately not looking in Kaidan's direction.

Shepard was quiet for a moment, her eyes on the books before she abruptly turned and speared Mantha with a direct look. "You never told me you were pregnant during the trial."

The other woman gave a shrug, her expression never changing from the genial humor she was portraying. "Irrelevant, LS."

"Very relevant, BS." Shepard countered, angry. "You knew you were pregnant."

"So did my lawyer. So did the prosecution. So did the judge." Mantha shrugged. "Made a whole lot of difference in the trial, didn't it?"

"It never came up!" Shepard spat. "Dammit, Mantha, I had a right to know!"

"Why?" This time her gaze flickered to Kaidan. "Perhaps we should discuss this little bit of ancient history alone, LS."

"Kaidan knows the story. The true story." Shepard ran her finger up and down the soft skin between her eyes. "There's no secrets there."

Kaidan abruptly found himself under a very intense scrutiny by the Mohawk wearing pregnant woman.

"Interesting." Was all she said before looking back at Shepard. "You'll give yourself a lobotomy if you keep rubbing like that."

Shepard laughed, the sound almost harsh. "I haven't heard that in years, Mantha."

"Doesn't make it less true." Came the counterpoint. "What do you think would have happened, all those years ago, Shepard, if I had let you know I was pregnant?"

"You know what would have happened." Shepard said bitterly.

Mantha nodded slowly, her hand rubbing over her round stomach. "I do. So instead of joining the Alliance, Kaet Shepard gets tagged for a justified cleansing of the human gene pool and spends eight years in prison…a hard line, not the Mother's Detention I was in. No N7. No Spectre. No stopping the attack on the Citadel. No stopping Sovereign. No top secret mission to a hidden base to stop humans being harvested for who knows what purpose."

Shepard simply stared at her.

"The way I see it…" Mantha continued, her smile biting. "The Universe owes me and should be thanking me that I bought all of their lives with eight years of mine."

Kaidan could see the conflict that point brought to Shepard and decided to provide a distraction while she worked her way through it. "You're very well informed for someone who lives on the fringe." He commented.

Mantha gave him another of her assessing looks. "I keep myself in the know." She looked around. "Besides, this is our summer place. We plan to be back on Earth in time for the baby to be born."

"Nice place." Kaidan told her, but didn't look around the room before he said it. "Is your husband here?"

Mantha shook her head. "He had business on the Citadel. He's the COO of a weapons manufacturing firm that the Alliance contracts. He's proposing a new weapon the Alliance is very interested in contracting his company for. He'll pick us up once he's done and we'll head to our estate on Earth."

"Married." Shepard said quietly. "I was never told when you married. I had to tap the encrypted file you sent with the message to get the information on this place."

A slow smile worked its way over Mantha's lips. "Todd will be sorry he missed you. He's been following your career ever since we married." She motioned to her face. "It was rather obvious, our connection."

Shepard rolled her eyes and returned her attention to the books. "Why am I here, Mantha?"

The pregnant woman seemed unsurprised by the quick change of subject. "I need you to do what you do best, LS."

Her back to Mantha, Kaidan was the only one who saw Shepard's eyes sink closed, her expression turning weary and cynical.

"Who do you need killed?"

Kaidan didn't move from his position, leaning against the wall, but he tensed, watching Shepard carefully.

"A former executive assistant to my husband." Mantha said as if she ordered hits every day. "Her name is Richelle Slater and before you ask…no this isn't about an affair. I would take care of that myself and the issue of a body would never come up."

Shepard smiled slightly and turned to her sister. "Then what?"

"She has an expensive gambling habit, Richelle, does. One that she managed to keep hidden from the Integrity Division at Todd's company. Like most habits, she got in over her head…although I will say I believe she was set up by one of Todd's rival firm." Mantha gave a slight shrug. "Not that it matters. To pay the debt, she began stealing prototypes and schematics for weapons and stealth systems. Todd found out, terminated her employment and her access, but not until after Richelle already had the plans and a working miniature prototype of the very weapon he's trying to sell to the Alliance."

"And if this were to get out, Todd would lose his job." Shepard said quietly.

Mantha nodded, rubbing her belly as if to soothe more than the child within. "More than that. As per his contract, if it can be proven Todd was negligent and allowed that prototype stolen, his company can sue us for damages. We would lose everything, Shepard. I don't know if you remember living on the streets, but I do and I don't plan to do it again. I don't plan it for my children, either."

"So we retrieve the data, the prototype and call it good." Kaidan said and both women seemed surprised to find him still there.

"I want her dead. Any threat she is to my family eliminated." Mantha stated in flat tones. "She was Todd's assistant for years. She knows things and will do whatever she can to harm him as revenge for his firing her. I want that threat eliminated."

Shepard's expression closed. "You have her location?"

Mantha reached out and took a datapad from the nearby desk. "All you need is there. Expect heavy resistance. Cord-Hislop has arranged for mercs to protect her until she can hand over the plans and the prototype."

"Cord-Hislop." Kaidan repeated, his eyes narrowing slightly. "They make starships, Mrs Morgenstern. Why would they want a weapon prototype?"

"It's a ship's main gun. I don't know the particulars, but Todd said that if the Destiny Ascension had had it when Saren attacked, he'd never have made it onto the Presidium." Mantha waved a hand with dismissal. "The head of one of Cord-Hislop's security divisions is due on planet in four days. Richelle told Todd that he had until then to make her a better offer or she would sell it to Cord-Hislop."

"Nothing like a timeline." Shepard murmured keying the pad on.

"I've arranged a distraction for her in two days." Mantha continued, ignoring the comment. "This will be your best time to get into her base, get the prototype and eliminate any threat Richelle is to Todd's job."

"Two days." Kaidan repeated.

"That will give you time to familiarize yourself with the layout of the base. If you have any special weaponry you want, it will also give me time to get it here for you." Mantha continued.

Kaidan said nothing else, his gaze moving to Shepard.

A disgusted look was on her face as she stared at the pad.

"I _knew_ I should have packed my Cain."


	3. Chapter 3

"You've been very quiet." Shepard said as they entered a large suite of rooms one of Mantha's servants had led them to before quickly disappearing.

Kaidan glanced at her and then away. "Not much to say."

She let that hang for a moment and then looked at him again. "Not much to say or you're afraid I won't like the topic? 'Cause you've been chewing on something serious since Mantha told us what she wanted."

He made several steps into the large sitting room, saying nothing and then slanted a look at her. "It doesn't bother you that your sister contacts you after all of these years and it's not for a reunion? Not to get to know you again. Not anything to reconnect, but it's to kill someone. To do her dirty work for her."

"I knew when she sent that message that it wasn't for any frivolous reason, Kaidan." She responded, her voice carefully neutral.

"Really?" He responded with just enough of an edge to let her know he wasn't happy. "Because there is a lot of room between frivolous and murder, Shepard, and I don't like the fact that she assumed…rightly, it seems…that you would do it without any question."

"I owe her, Kaidan." The words were soft and a wry smile touched her lips. "Besides, it's a bit late for me to be taking the high ground when it comes to murder, don't you think?"

He stared at her and then shook his head as if in disbelief, his hand running fingers through his hair. "Shepard, I would like to think it is never too late to take the high ground when it comes to murdering someone."

"Kaidan." She sighed. "Look, if it helps you, think of it as doing your duty to the Alliance. After all, this prototype is meant for them."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "You don't know that, Shepard. This could just as easily be a setup. Cord-Hislop could be the proper owners and your sister's husband the one stealing the project. You haven't even bothered to find out."

She considered him for a long moment. "Okay. Let's find out."

Blinking his eyes, he gave a soft laugh. "That easy, is it, Shepard?"

"Something has you suspicious, Kaidan." She responded. "I trust your instincts. I trust _you_. If you say we need more information, then we get more information. Deadline or not."

He crossed the room, gathering her in his arms and simply holding her tight, loving the rise and fall of her chest as she simply breathed. After a moment, he cleared his throat and to her disappointment, moved back away from her, crossing the room where he could watch but wasn't tempted to touch her.

"I'll tag a few contacts in the Alliance and find out more about your sister's husband. I'll also tag a few less than upstanding and see what they have to say." He said. "Do you know her husband's name?"

"The background check I was able to do on the way here lists him as Todd Ian Morganstern. Mantha will be Samantha Rivers Morganstern." Shepard answered. "I can't quite see her as an up and coming businessman's wife."

"Was it the Mohawk or the tattoos that started you wondering?" Kaidan asked as his omni tool lit up and he began tapping commands.

"That's how she looked the last time I saw her, Kaidan." Shepard said quietly. "Tattoos, that hair. The pregnancy wasn't noticeable then, since I had no clue about it. But everything else…it's like she's trying really hard to remind me of those last days before the verdict, before I joined the Alliance."

Kaidan looked up, a smile on his lips. "I should have known better than to think you'd be taken in so easily, shouldn't I?"

"I don't know." She sighed and sat on the luxurious couch. "Part of me remembers her protecting me as I grew up. She taught me to fight. The only one who ever protected me, looked out for me." She scrubbed both hands through her hair. "But the part of me that grew up since then…the part that survived N7 training, survived Akuze and Saren and the Collectors…that part says there's a trap nearby and to watch out for it."

For a long moment she stared at her feet, working through her feelings and thoughts.

"If it's just emotional manipulation, that I can work with. Mantha always knew how to play others. Her favorite motto? Yeah, it was 'Use Your Friends Wisely'." Shepard rubbed the soft spot between her eyebrows.

"She never asked how you were, Shepard." Kaidan said quietly. "Not once. She didn't question you on how it was being dead, coming back to life. Nothing. Not even curiosity. It was straight to business."

Shepard looked at him, a bit surprised that he had caught something she hadn't noticed at all. "I didn't think of that. I just…" She shrugged. "Hell, Kaidan, half the time I forget it myself. My mind just skips right over it. It can't compute." Letting the words trail off, she studied the flash of emotion that crossed his face. "It's different for you, isn't it? You can't forget it…that I died. It's there every time you look at me. I can see it. Part of you is wondering how long I'll be around this time. How long it will be before I'm gone again."

He didn't deny her words, didn't say anything at all.

"Are you ever going to forgive me for dying?" She asked, her expression vulnerable and unbearably sad.

His face revealed nothing of his thoughts and finally, unable to confront that stone wall anymore, she dropped her gaze to her feet.

"You're not staying here tonight, are you? With me." The words were quiet and forlorn.

"No." He answered and there was a grief of his own in the simple response. "I'm not ready for that yet. I thought I was. That we could just pick up again…I was wrong."

Shepard began to slowly nod her head, forcing the denial in her gut from bursting forth in a shrewish scream. By the time she was ready to say something, she looked up and found him already gone.

* * *

He was a fool.

Kaidan stripped off his armor, carefully laying the pieces on an old fashioned wood dresser in the room one of Mantha's servants had led him to.

He could be with her right now. Touching her. Smelling her. Everything he'd imagined for the last three years…he could be with her doing right now.

Instead he was alone in a room just like he'd been every night for the last three years.

She'd looked so lost.

Closing his eyes, he could recall the sorrow that had her shoulders slumped, almost curving in about her. He'd wanted to go to her, tell her everything was fine and that he was just being an idiot.

But she'd been right, as well. The small, petty part of his soul still blamed her for a death she hadn't sought, hadn't wanted and even now could barely comprehend.

She'd mentioned on the freighter as they traveled that she was looking forward to the First Contact celebration. She'd remembered something about fireworks being synchronized in several different systems but broadcast in live time for the first time and she'd really wanted to see whose were the best. He'd gently told her that the live broadcast had been such a success that they now repeated it annually. This would be the third year.

All that searching for her, that hesitant wanting to believe she was alive, seeing her alive on Horizon, waiting for her on Omega, all of it, why the Hell had he done it if he was just going to sleep alone? Why couldn't he go to her, bury himself in her and act as if the last three years had all been the bad dream he'd so often wished it could be.

Hissing softly he rubbed a hand over the scar tissue on his left hip, feeling the ghost of the old wound reach out and bite at him.

The problem was he wasn't the man he'd been three years ago. He was the one who had lived through her death. Who had managed to pull himself back from a gulf of grief and depression and decided that if he was going to live, he would do it on his terms and never again feel the guilt for obeying an order against every instinct his soul screamed at him with.

The problem was she was still, at her core, very much the woman she had been three years ago. Some of her rougher, more renegade edges were more visible and she tended to reach for them more easily than she had while answering to the Alliance. But she was still a damn hero who would willingly toss herself into the line of fire if it meant saving the Universe or even the life of another being and she would do it all with no thought of him or how much it would hurt him if she were to die. Again.

But that was the woman he'd fallen in love with, wasn't she? If so, did he really have any right to ask her to change? To be something that she wasn't just because he was selfish and wanted to be the most important thing in her life?

Cursing his own muddled thoughts, Kaidan jerked on a pair of sweat pants in Alliance blue and then pulled on a matching t-shirt before sitting down on the bed, his back propped up against a head board and keyed on his omni-tool.

He had work to do. He'd find out more about this mission Mantha Morganstern wanted them to go on. More about this person she wanted killed. The rest of it…that would just come with time.

Wouldn't it?

* * *

What did he want from her?

Shepard stared down at her feet. She hadn't moved since he'd left the room with such silent condemnation. She'd sat there and wondered what she'd done. What she hadn't done. What she was supposed to do.

She couldn't bear to lose him and the icy, numb feeling in her gut told her she was.

She didn't know what he wanted.

Okay, logic. She would use logic on this.

Standing, Shepard began to pace the sitting room area of the suite.

Fact: Kaidan loved her. He'd told the Council to go to Hell. He'd waited for her on Omega, waited for her to show up, hoping she would survive the Collectors. Those weren't the actions of a man who was just interested in sex.

Especially since he'd turned down a sure shot at said sex.

Okay, so he loved her.

Fact: She loved him. She had told him…well, maybe not the words, so much. But he had to know. She'd told him things about her past that no one else knew. Oh, wait. She had said the words once. Sort of. She'd told him in the message before the Omega IV relay that she loved him.

Okay, she needed to tell him she loved him. Use the words. Speak them out loud.

Maybe she should practice that first, Shepard mused as the bottom sank out of her stomach at the thought of saying those words.

Would that fix this? Would he come back to her, then? Take his place at her back where he belonged? Where she could keep him safe and where she could turn around and know he was there for her the way he always…was…

She paused in her steps. Faltering as the realization of what she'd thought, how she'd acted, settled over her.

At her back. Where he would always be for her. Where she could keep him safe while she continued to face off against the Universe's bad guys.

Well, she'd made no pretense of wanting to keep him locked away where he couldn't be hurt, Shepard defended to herself even as shaking fingers pressed against her stomach.

Kaidan was a military man through and through. He'd told off his superiors so he could be by her side. What had she done for him? Told him a childhood story that she would never have revealed had they not been about to see her sister? Yeah, that was equal.

Kaidan had said to Hell with the duty that was such a core of who he was and waited for her on Omega. Waited, hoping she would survive and come there. What had she done? Sent him a pathetic little message telling him she loved him because she was too much of a coward to say the words aloud?

Kaidan had immediately made her mission…to see her sister…his mission because he wanted to be there for her. When had she ever…_ever_…been there for him?

Even once?

Her needs, her duty, her commands. They had always been first and back when he'd been a Staff Lieutenant and she'd been his Commander, that had been okay. But he was no longer a Staff Lieutenant and she was no longer his Commander, as he frequently needed to remind her.

Shaking, Shepard resumed her pacing, her soul steeling. Okay, she would treat this like a mission. A very important mission.

Mission: let Kaidan Alenko know how much he meant to her. How she didn't think there would be a whole lot of her 2nd life worth living if he weren't in it. She would use the words. She would tell him how she felt. She would make sure he understood how important he was to her. She would ask for his input on missions…maybe she'd even let him lead them.

She could do that. Shepard nodded, her stomach settling. She would be the one at Kaidan's back and support him. That would show him that she loved him and she wanted to be with him.

That would fix things.

* * *

Hunh. Mantha had horses.

Shepard strolled across the back lawn of the estate toward the corral. She wouldn't normally have been interested…what the hell did she know about horses? She'd spent the first half of her life in urban purgatory and the second half in space.

Apparently Kaidan Alenko knew a little bit about horses.

He was in the corral with a rope thingy and he appeared to be stalking a creature twice his size and more than three times his weight.

Personally, Shepard mused with wary fingers on her Hand Cannon, she'd have simply shot the thing if it didn't do what she wanted. That would show the other horses who was boss and then they'd do what she said. None of this chase around in mud and other yuck stuff.

Of course, she'd already promised herself that if it looked like that beast was going to charge Kaidan, she was taking it down. Maybe she should have her Widow out.

"You should have worn your armor." She called as she came alongside the fence.

The horse Kaidan was trying to capture spooked and went chasing off to the far side of the corral away from Shepard while he gave her an exasperated look.

"What?" She demanded, genuinely confused.

Kaidan gave up for the moment, joining her at the fence, leaning back against it on the other side from her. "I'm trying to catch the horse, Shepard. Your yelling makes it more difficult."

Frowning, Shepard glanced at the large red beast. "You should try a concussive shot near its feet. That would stun it long enough to catch." She patted her ammo packs wondering if she had any. "What are you supposed to do with it after you catch it?"

"Ride it. Which would be difficult if the horse were stunned." Kaidan answered with patience. "My parents have horses at their place. I've missed them."

"Why ride it?" Shepard tilted her head at him. "A hover would take you faster and more comfortably."

A corner of his mouth kicked up in a smile. "So speaks the city girl."

"Space woman, thank you very much." Shepard answered crossing her arms over her chest. "Really…what's the appeal?"

He looked at the horse, considering. "Nostalgia, maybe. They're magnificent animals. I had one as a boy I called Silvertip because of the white on the tips of his ears. He hated everyone else but he'd follow me around like a puppy hoping I'd have sugar or a carrot or an apple for him. I used to do tricks on him…have him gallop by while I snagged his saddle and pulled myself up. Sometimes I'd hang upside down from the side or ride backwards."

Shepard studied the quiet joy those memories brought him. "What happened to him?"

The happiness faded. "Brain Camp." The words were quiet. "I was sent away. They sold him while I was gone. No one else could control him."

Shepard scowled looking at the horse. Maybe if she cordoned off part of the cargo bay on the Normandy she could have a horse brought on board. If it made Kaidan smile like that again it would be worth it.

"So you have to be quiet and sneak up on them?" Shepard asked, narrowing her eyes in determination already assessing the corral and how best to corner the animal. She was going to help him catch that horse if it was the last thing that horse ever did. "I could cloak and come around from behind."

Kaidan laughed and reached out a hand, cupping her jaw before pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "You don't need to treat this like a mission, Shepard. I was just having some fun."

She wrinkled her nose at him. "What is that smell? That sweaty smell?"

He laughed again and brushed at his t-shirt. "That is horse, Shepard. Well, I'm sure some of it is me, but most of it is sweaty horse."

She considered for a moment. "I guess it's better than a Vorcha." A faint smile touched her lips. "Besides, I like sweaty Kaidan."

That earned her another kiss before he relaxed against the fence with her.

"How long have you been out here?" Shepard plucked at the damp stains of his shirt.

Kaidan shrugged. "Couple of hours. Right after breakfast. I asked Tayne and she said it would be fine." He looked at the large red stallion still eyeing him with wary distrust. "I needed some thinking time."

She licked her lips. "About us?"

Brown eyes met her own blue. "Yes." The answer was soft.

Her gut began to clench. What should she do? Go? Stay? Defend herself by demanding to know what he was thinking and what decisions he'd made? Or would that drive him off?

Biting at her bottom lip, she gave him a worried study. "Should I go?" The words were uncertain.

"No." He shook his head. "I was actually thinking of coming to find you." He took her hand in his, his fingers wrapping about her own. "I needed to see you again."

To reaffirm the fact she was alive, Shepard comprehended and sighed.

"Kaidan…" She began, unsure what she was going to say.

She hated this, hated the wimpy part of her soul that didn't know what to do and stood frozen for fear of making the completely wrong choice.

"Why don't you go catch your horse and I'll just stay right here?" She finally said, seizing on that choice. That way he could see her and still be happy chasing the thing.

"Do you promise not to shoot the horse if it charges me?" Kaidan asked in pointed tones, looking at her fingers which were still caressing the hilt of her Hand Cannon.

Shepard paused, considering.

"You do remember I'm a biotic, right?" Kaidan added, arching an eyebrow at her. "I could lift that horse and put it into orbit if I needed to."

Remember the mission, Shepard, she told herself before giving him a bright smile.

"That's right. Whatever you think is best, Kaidan." Pulling her fingers away from her weapons, she laid her arms along the top of the wood fence and deliberately put her chin on them, showing how much at ease she was.

He narrowed his gaze at her as if not quite believing her sudden acceptance.

"You know, that shirt is really wet and yucky. You'd be much happier with it off." She made the suggestion blinking wide, innocent eyes at him. Nunh, uhn. No ulterior motive here.

Another lift of his eyebrow and then Kaidan called her bluff.

"Good idea, Shepard. Hold onto it for me, will you?" He stripped it off with economical movements and held it out for her.

"Not a problem." She managed, her voice less than steady.

Ah, geez. That was so not fair, she moaned quietly, watching the sculpted muscles play beneath his skin as he took up the rope again and began to walk toward the horse. She could have sworn she remembered exactly how well defined he was. Remembered every sprinkle of hair from the curve of his pecs to the pleasure trail leading beneath his sweat pants.

Somehow, her memory had seriously failed her.

He began talking softly to the horse, the rope held in loose hands and Shepard could see for the first time the flair of blue biotics along the hemp strands.

"Isn't using biotics on the rope to catch it cheating?" She asked trying to be heard and not yell at the same time.

"So says the woman who wanted to shoot him with a concussive shot." Kaidan laughed back at her.

"My solution was practical." She grumbled under her breath and watched.

The movements were almost a dance, she finally decided. Kaidan would close in, stealthy but not sneaky, until the horse decided that more room was needed and would move away. Patient, Kaidan would continue, never stopping his low, soothing talk as once more he would ease the distance between them, trying to prove that he could be trusted. The horse was responding, too, she could tell. Ears pricked forward, eyes no longer as wild or fearful, he would allow Kaidan to come ever closer.

She was actually holding her breath when Kaidan finally slid the rope over the horse's neck, still crooning.

It completely sucked to be jealous of a horse, Shepard decided just as Kaidan looped a leg over the stallion's bare back and pulled himself up.

Completely sucked.

"I wondered if I would catch you alone." Mantha's voice spoke near Shepard's ear, nearly startling her.

Wary, Shepard glanced at the pregnant woman. "Should you be wandering about? Won't that make it come out?" She pointed at the large belly.

Mantha laughed rubbing her back. "No. Exercise is good for the baby. Besides, if I had stayed inside I'd have missed what a beautiful day we're having." Eyes nearly identical to Shepard's were focused squarely on Kaidan's naked chest.

"You're too pregnant to want to see a beautiful day." Shepard said in narrow tones.

Mantha laughed watching Kaidan gallop the horse about the corral. "I'm pregnant, LS, not dead. And that is some fine, fine scenery. Amazing what armor conceals."

"I've never punched a pregnant woman before." Shepard said idly and had the other woman laughing again.

"I don't remember you being this possessive as a child." Mantha commented. "I'm kind of surprised you're acting this way now. Especially after he requested a separate room last night."

Shepard deliberately looked away from her sister. "We're still working things out." She finally said.

"He's a man, Shepard." Mantha said quietly. "They don't say no to free sex without a good reason."

Shepard's jaw clenched. "I can tell you flat out you're wrong if you think Kaidan is like that."

Mantha put a hand on the back of Shepard's head and stroked her hair. "I just want you to be wary, Little Sister. Three years is a long time for a man. Especially one who buried you and moved on."

"We're working it out." Shepard repeated.

"Are you?" Mantha asked quietly. "Or does he have some other reason for being here with you?"

Shepard shook off the touch and moved away. "Mantha…"

"Just listen to me, Little Sister." Mantha took one of Shepard's hands and pulled her closer. "When you died, I was so angry. So mad at you. Tayne worships you and you didn't even know she existed. You didn't know about the two J's, my twins, who are just learning to speak. If it was that hard for me, Kaetayne, think of how hard it must have been for him."

"We're working it out." Shepard repeated stubbornly.

"Listen to yourself, LS." Mantha advised. "Look at yourself. You're hovering over him like you're afraid he'll just take off if you're not there to prevent it."

Stung, Shepard tried once more to pull away.

"No, LS, I'm worried about you." Mantha didn't let her go. "Do you have any idea what you looked like when you arrived here yesterday? Only slightly better than you do now. You're exhausted. You're stressed. He isn't helping matters with the whole 'work things out' routine. And he's Military."

Shepard narrowed her eyes at her sister. "Is that what this is about? I am Military, Mantha. I have been since the day you got sentenced for something I did."

Mantha shook her head. "No, LS. You're not. Not anymore. Not since you died. You're…I guess, freelance now. You can go where you want. Do what you want. You don't need to be tied to the Alliance, to the Council, to Kaidan Alenko. Not out of some sort of obligation."

"Obligation?" Shepard repeated, stunned. "Mantha…"

"Listen to me, Little Sister. You, who you are, what you've done…it's all bigger than the Military. It's bigger than individuals…especially ones like Kaidan Alenko." Mantha took Shepard's hand and placed it on her stomach. "What you're doing is for the future of humanity. For species everywhere. You can't limit yourself."

Shaking her head, Shepard stared at her. "Mantha, you called me here to kill someone. Not…not…politics."

Mantha tossed her fingers in dismissal. "I could hire a team of Vorcha to do that. It was an excuse to get you here, LS."

"Holy shit, it's moving." Shepard said in shock as she tried to jerk her hand back from her sister's stomach.

"She knows her aunt." Mantha said evenly, not releasing Shepard's hand. "Calm down, she isn't coming out just yet, trust me."

"Why are you pushing this, Mantha?" Shepard stilled, her blue eyes focused on the older woman. "What do you get out of this?"

"A chance to get to know my little sister." Tears sparked in the pregnant woman's eyes. "I didn't give you the attention I should have when you were younger, Little Sister. I couldn't even though I was so proud of you…everything you'd done. Everything you have done. Surviving Akuze, Eden Prime. Saving the Citadel. You have single handedly done more for humanity than any ambassador."

Shepard's eyes closed. "Mantha." She said quietly, the name regretful.

"Just think about it. Look at how big this place is, LS. You would fit in so easily." Mantha motioned to the house. "Tayne adores you. She has a right to get to know you. I want you as part of my family again."

"I…should go." Shepard said softly and this time won the freedom of her hand as she pulled away and headed back to the house.

* * *

What was that? What was going on?

Kaidan brought the stallion around again, his gaze on the Mohawk haired woman who wasn't bothering to hide the determined smile on her lips as she watched Shepard leave.

Surprise, surprise. There was a secondary agenda in drawing Shepard here.

"How are you feeling today?" He asked politely bringing the horse alongside the fence where the pregnant woman stood.

Calculated eyes looked up at him. "Tired, as usual. But I wanted to talk to you. I asked Shepard to give us a moment."

"You call her Shepard." Kaidan observed dismounting, his hands running up and down the nervous creature's neck.

Mantha's expression stilled and then softened as she answered. "For your benefit. I'm afraid that Kaetayne will always be my child."

"I thought you'd always called her Shepard. Even when you were children." Kaidan bluffed on a hunch and was rewarded with a disarming smile.

"That was what she preferred." Came the easy answer. "She wasn't much on sentiment , ever."

Kaidan studied the older woman, his gaze even. "I believe it was more of a lack of opportunity rather than a conscious effort. And Shepard has mentioned the same thing about you."

Mantha turned to him, rubbing her stomach. "Look, Commander Alenko, can I be honest with you?"

It would be a refreshing change, actually, Kaidan mused but only gave a slow nod of agreement in response.

"I want my sister to stay here. I want her to be safe." Mantha's words were measured and quiet. "I want her to rest and recover from everything she's been going through and I want her free of the Alliance and the Council."

Kaidan's dark eyes betrayed nothing. "Does Shepard have a say in this?"

Mantha made a dismissing motion with her hand. "My sister is a hero, Commander Alenko. She doesn't know how not to be. Unless I push her to do this, she'll let you and the Alliance and the Council run all over her until she is exhausted and burned out. I refuse to allow that to happen."

Touching. The hint of tears, the soft, maternal rub of her fingers over her unborn child, the concern in the break of her voice.

He didn't believe a bit of it.

"I agree with you, Mrs Morganstern." He finally answered. "Your sister is very much a hero. But I have to say, I can't picture her here." He motioned about the estate. "She belongs in space. It's what she loves."

"If you loved her, you would encourage her to do what was best for her." Mantha said quietly. "I know you and she are having problems right now. Shepard said she wasn't sure she wanted to continue the relationship. She said you'd changed so much."

Oh, direct score there, Kaidan thought even as the logical part of his mind told him it was a lie. Shepard wouldn't have discussed their relationship with her sister. Would she?

"No one could blame you, Commander Alenko." Mantha reached out, laying a hand on the fence as she looked up at him, earnest. "She died. You had no choice but to move on. It must have been so difficult for you, but look at you now. You've got rank and status with the Alliance Military…the same Alliance Military that got my sister killed."

"What do you want, Mrs Morganstern?" Kaidan asked, a thread of anger in his voice.

"I want my sister safe and sound, Kaidan." A tear trickled from Mantha's left eye. "That's all."

"You might want to get inside, Mrs Morganstern." Kaidan advised as the horse under him pranced backwards under his not so subtle urging. "I hear putting your feet up in very beneficial to pregnant women."

"Just…think about it?" Mantha pleaded. "For her sake."

"I do think about it, Mrs Morganstern." Kaidan told her quietly. "More often than you think." He gave a nod and turned the horse away from her, effectively silencing her.

* * *

She was approaching this all wrong.

Shepard lay on her back on her bed, staring at the ceiling, her head pillowed on her arms as she considered matters.

So what if she sucked at personal relationships? Her mistake had been in thinking it wasn't like a battlefield strategy. Her mistake had been believing that this wasn't a war when in fact, it very much was a war and guess what? Shepard gave good war.

Damn good war.

She should have remembered the flirting before Ilos. There wasn't any problem so simple in the Universe that Kaidan Alenko, bless his fine ass, couldn't think to death. That was his mistake…well, hers as well for allowing it. He should have said to Hell with it the first time he lost his temper over the datapad. He should have said to Hell with it when he learned there were surveillance bugs in her bedroom on the Normandy. They could have taken care of them in less than five minutes and gotten down to greeting each other properly.

Her mistake had been in letting him use his tongue for talking.

So the mission remained the same, let Kaidan know who she felt about him, but the parameters had changed and the battlefield had as well.

Honestly, had she really thought she could let him take point? That was her spot. She was the one out front who could assess and evaluate and infiltrate. She needed him at her back…not because that was where he belonged, but because that was how they worked best together. Yin and yang. Offense and defense.

Seriously, this love stuff? Not so hard once you dumped all the emotional crap out of it and treated it logically. It became very simple then.

She was going to get Kaidan Alenko alone and screw his brains out.

So. That problem solved.

Now on to her sister.

Shepard rubbed her eyes, angry and weary. Had it really been so long that Mantha thought she'd forgotten how good Mantha was at manipulating and lying? Or was she simply counting on Shepard wanting so badly to connect with her sister that her brains had leaked out and she'd become stupid?

To be fair, Maybe Mantha had no idea that Finch had approached her on the Citadel…or maybe Shepard's screwed up brain that had slept through two years was finally paying off with memories that weren't as old for her as they were for others.

The Tenth Street Reds were a human first organization. Dedicated to the supremacy of humans in the galaxy. A poor, stupid man's Cerberus and Mantha had been running that gang since Shepard was fourteen.

One thing she and her sister had in common? They didn't give up their people or their responsibilities once they had accepted them. The Tenth Street Reds or those on the Normandy, it didn't matter.

Mantha had overplayed her hand when she'd said Shepard had done more for humanity than anyone else and stressed the human aspect of her victories. Most would have commented that Shepard was a hero and left it at that.

Idly, Shepard wondered if Mantha would next ask her if she'd put all her past relationships behind her.

Eyes narrowing, Shepard smiled. That would mean Mantha going after Kaidan as well and if she thought she could trick that man, Mantha was in for a sad surprise. But then, this whole trip was proving that Mantha didn't know her little sister very well at all.

So what did she owe Mantha? As a sister. As a child whose life had been saved. As a teenager whose future had been salvaged.

Shepard's eyes slid closed and she inhaled through her nose, centering herself in the maelstrom of emotional pain blowing through her. With a grief for what might have been, she made her decision.

Before they left, Mantha would be paid in full.


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't think we should wait for Mantha's distraction."

Kaidan froze in the act of rubbing his wet hair with the towel as Shepard's voice rang cheekily in the room.

"I've never liked relying on others actions for my plan's success." She continued. "I think we should move tonight."

"Where have you been?" Kaidan pulled the towel off his head and deliberately ignored the way her gaze was avidly running over his wet and dripping chest. "I've been looking for you all afternoon."

Shepard was lying across his bed on her stomach, her bare feet kicking in the air as she studied him. "You know, if I had biotics that towel around your waist would be getting a nice pull right about now." Shepard commented with a wicked smile.

"Answer the question." Kaidan focused on the anger at her disappearance, refusing to allow her teasing to get a rise out of him.

"There goes that tongue of yours, talking again." Shepard gave an exaggerated sigh propping her chin on her palms. "We'll need to do something about that, but it will have to wait."

Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at her.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and became serious. "I was investigating the compound where Richelle Slater is hold up with her Blue Suns bodyguards."

He would be calm about this. He would not yell at her as she so richly deserved. He would rationally and peaceably tell her exactly…

"Are you insane?" He demanded, the words starting normal enough and ending in a shout as his hands waved about. "By _yourself_?"

Shepard's blinked, her eyes on his, but he could tell there was some devious plan at work simply by the too innocent expression on her face. She never could pull that one off well.

"Hello, Kaidan. _Infiltrator_." She said with a duh tone in her voice. "It's a bit difficult to infiltrate when you have someone following you around."

"Shepard." Her name was rasped as blue flared about him.

"Did you know that your biotics tend to push off from your skin?" Shepard asked conversationally. "The more power or emotion you put behind them the more they try to displace whatever you're wearing. Like towels that really should be in the laundry."

He crossed his arms over his chest again. "So you're saying you want me to continue yelling at you after I've gotten dressed."

Shepard scowled at him. "You, Commander Alenko, are a spoil sport."

"And you know better than to leave your back up behind." He retorted crossing the room to his duffel and stripping out fresh clothes. "Out, Shepard."

"A real spoil sport." She reiterated but shoved herself to her feet, deliberately moving next to him.

Kaidan caught the towel as her clever fingers tugged it free and kept it wrapped about his waist. "Out, Shepard." Blue flared across his eyes and Shepard was gently pushed out of the room, the door closing behind her.

Grinning, unable to help himself at her antics, Kaidan dropped the towel and quickly dressed, not trusting her to stay out long.

* * *

Kaidan joined her just as she finished scanning the room and destroying several surveillance bugs. Shaking her head, not a little sad, she crushed the last one, scattering the pieces in a glass of water that sparked and shuddered for a moment upon contact.

"Did she think I wouldn't check?" Shepard asked, her voice holding an edge of sorrow.

"I think she doesn't know you very well, Shepard." He responded gently.

Inhaling through her nose, nostrils flaring, Shepard nodded once, looked at him and then motioned to the coffee table in front of the couch.

"The compound itself is fairly simple." Shepard was moving knick-knacks about to represent various portions of the building they were planning on entering. "It's the mercs that will pose the most problem. I'm thinking she got a two for one special on them because she has at least forty."

"Quantity or quality?" Kaidan asked, his gaze on the mock up of the building.

"Bottom feeders." Shepard said with her usual disdain for mercenaries. "Even for mercs. I wandered around the place to my heart's content and only had to cloak twice."

"Strange." Kaidan mused, frowning. "Did you check for secondary security systems? Maybe mechs?"

"No, I was too busy trying to figure out which end of my gun to point at the bad guys." Shepard retorted rolling her eyes and neatly dodged the flat of his hand toward her rear. "Everything is for show. The mercs, the compound. I think the distraction Mantha had planned was meant to hide the fact that for something so important, they're doing nothing to protect it."

Kaidan studied the outline a moment more before his eyes slanted to the woman across from him. "So what's the real agenda here?"

"Well, the fact we're getting played is a given." Shepard sighed, frowning. "If there is a prototype there, it's not the real one."

Kaidan sat down, elbows on his knees as he leaned forward toward Shepard. "Then what is the point? Why bring us here?"

Shepard rubbed her forehead. "It's a stupid reason, but it's all I can think of." The words were sighed. "I think Mantha gave it away earlier today when she began her little digs about how better off I'd be without entanglements like the Alliance, the Council." Blue eyes speared him. "You."

"Oh." Kaidan sat back, his expression clearing. "Of course."

Shepard blinked at him. "It makes sense to you?"

He chuckled softly. "Shepard, they underestimated you. How utterly practical you are. How completely stubborn and bullheaded when it comes to making certain you go your own way."

She tilted her head, frowning, silently asking him to continue even as her eyes narrowed at the assessment.

One corner of Kaidan's mouth kicked up in a admiring but also rueful smile. "Shepard, you died and came back. You just finished a mission that would have been suicide for anyone else. You are exhausted and worn out. I showed up with my own emotional demands. Your sister contacts you after a lifetime apart with hers. We're greeted by a younger version of you. One thing right after another meant to upset and confuse you. Throw you off balance. This whole set up is for your benefit." He waved his hand about the room. "To isolate you from those you trust by getting you away from the Normandy and replace them with Mantha. This is about manipulating and ultimately controlling _you_."

Color burned bright in Shepard's cheeks. "This is about Cerberus."

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm not sure Mantha has contacts there or if she has her own agenda. Maybe both. Cerberus will want you back." Kaidan's eyes flickered with blue inspired anger, but his expression was calm enough. "They want you under their control and this could be what they thought was their best chance…while you were still recovering from the last mission. While you were emotionally vulnerable."

Shepard gave a long, vulgar and profane assessment of what Cerberus could do with their wants.

Kaidan arched and eyebrow at her, his expression disapproving.

She rolled her eyes and then settled back in her chair, watching him. "You shouldn't sell yourself short, Kaidan. If Cerberus is involved this is the second time Timmy has tried to break us up." She ran both hands through her hair. "I didn't understand why he would even care the first time. This time…I understand."

Tilting his head, Kaidan studied her, his expression questioning.

"You are my weakness, Kaidan." Shepard licked her lips but forced herself to meet his gaze. "My vulnerability. The flaw in my armor. Had the Collectors taken you on Horizon like they wanted to, I would have said to Hell with upgrading my ship, my team, my armaments and I would have died trying to reach you." She shuddered, her imagination trying to replace the woman she'd watched be liquefied with Kaidan until she sharply forced the image away. "That wouldn't exactly leave the Universe in a good place. Timmy knew it. Knows it. Knows that if something were to happen to you…" She gave a half shrug. "The Universe could go to Hell because I would be done caring."

Kaidan sucked in a deep, almost soundless breath. "Kaet."

Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, but she smiled at him. "Kaidan, the only reason I got through that suicide mission was because I was determined to be with you again. Every choice I have made from Virmire on has been with you in mind. Because I am determined that someday, some way, you and I will be able to sit back in a small cottage with a white picket fence and just enjoy a peaceful day before we have to go out and save the Universe again. That is why I fight, Kaidan. So I can be with you. Nothing else matters to me."

Kaidan surged from the chair, moving toward her, eyes focused and intent.

"No!" She held up a hand, fending him off. "Wait!"

Blinking, he paused, confused. "Shepard?"

"No. Just…wait. I have to say this because I don't very often…okay, at all…and that's wrong and I'm sorry. I was totally lame when I messaged you telling you. I should have just sent a voiceprint with it…or maybe even…"

Kaidan kissed her. His hands framed her face, gently pulling her lips against him. Shepard quickly put him on notice that while his gentleness had its place, it wasn't here or now, her fingers spread wide on his ass to jerk him closer. A laugh hummed in his throat even as his tongue ran over the seam of her lips and then slid home.

Her eyes popped wide as she pulled back, looking down as her pants slid to her ankles even though her hands were on his butt and his were on her face still. "How the hell…oh." The blue sparked bright and fierce in his brown eyes as he laughed at her. "My, my, Commander. You've learned some new tricks for someone who claims to have been celibate for three years."

A smile full of promise curved his lips and he opened his mouth to respond when a knock sounded on the door.

Shepard immediately and very vulgarly told the person on the other side what they could do in terms that would have made a civilian blush.

"Uhm, Aunt Kaet?" Tayne's voice floated through the door. "Are you there? Mom…uhm…I can come back later if you're…uhm…busy…uhm…"

"I hate your sister." Kaidan told Shepard with utter sincerity.

"She must have planned that little interrupt the minute the surveillance bugs were destroyed." Shepard said with a sigh. "This is your fault, you know."

Kaidan arched an eyebrow at her. "How do you figure that?"

"If you'd let me pack my Cain I could have blown up the house and then you and I could have escaped in the chaos and had some personal time where no one could find us." Shepard retorted bending down to grab her pants and pull them up. For a moment she tugged and then looked at him, glaring until he let go of the field holding them down.

"Do you mean it?" He asked, the words quiet as Tayne knocked on the door again.

"That it's your fault? Yes. If you had…"

"No, Shepard." He cut her off. "About going someplace where it's just the two of us."

Her eyes narrowed, considering him. "You have a place." The words weren't a question.

He nodded slowly. "It was how I kept myself sane, Shepard." A blush covered his cheeks. "I planned on how I was going to get you off the Normandy, away from Cerberus, if you resisted I had it planned on how to knock you unconscious. I was going to disguise you as a sick and comatose Quarian to get you off Omega Station without anyone knowing and I had this little place stocked with food and other necessities for at least a month's stay."

An amused and interested expression lit her eyes. "That's kidnapping, Commander Alenko. I hardly think the Alliance would be pleased with you doing that."

Kaidan Alenko, who rarely swore and rarely was vulgar, gave a short pithy suggestion on what the Alliance could do, proving that he might object when Shepard used such phrasing, but he still listened.

Shepard burst out laughing and draped her arms about his neck, leaning against him.

"Besides, Shepard, you'd have to resist in order for it to be a kidnapping." He pointed out. "Somehow I don't think that would have been an issue." His forehead was pressed against hers, his lips brushing her cheek.

The door began to open. "Aunt Kaet?"

"That is one determined woman." Kaidan muttered as he finished zipping and buttoning Shepard's pants for her.

Shepard used a back kick to knock the coffee table over, scattering the knick-knacks that had been used to portray the layout of the compound and moved her gaze harmlessly to Tayne. "Oh, hi, Tayne. I was so caught up…"

"Shepard." Kaidan warned not trusting the too innocent voice she was using.

"…kissing my man I didn't hear you." Shepard revised even as the color in Tayne's cheeks rose. "Be a good little girl and…"

"Mom really wants you come to dinner, please!" Tayne cut her off, her hands wringing.

Shepard's gaze narrowed as she studied the younger girl. "Tayne, you know that you don't have to do what Mantha says, don't you?"

Tayne tried a smile. "Mom would really like you to join her. Com-com…Kaidan , too."

Kaidan exhaled a noiseless sigh. "Shepard." The name was a simple abdication, leaving the choice in her hands of what they would do.

"Show us the way." Shepard told the girl and was rewarded with a brilliant smile.

As she walked past him, Kaidan's sneaky hand very firmly cupped and squeezed her right buttock.

* * *

"Guard on the wall, left alcove." Shepard murmured to Kaidan, her weapon lined up. She squeezed the trigger and kept her scope lined up. "No longer a problem."

Kaidan gave a half smile. "You call your kills the same way you call your shots in pool." He murmured, his eyes darting about the shadows. "I'm not seeing any others."

She pulled up her Widow, senses heightened. "Based on my numbers from my earlier scouting that leaves eleven BGs in the complex itself. Including Richelle Slater."

"Planning on killing her?" Kaidan asked as she put up her Widow and drew her Hand cannon.

Shepard liked the smaller gun when she was moving quickly and knew anything could pop out at her from a corner she hadn't been able to scope properly.

"Not particularly." Shepard shrugged. "But I honestly don't think we'll be given the option. Whoever set this up set her up, too. We were told to kill her. She most likely has been told to kill anyone who tries to breech the complex. She won't surrender."

"Cleaning house?" Kaidan mused.

Shepard nodded. "Most likely. Mantha or someone Mantha has ties to wants that woman out of the picture. You don't waste valuable resources on something like this. Not unless they've become liabilities." Another slow glance about the area, the cover they were about to break. "Ready?"

Kaidan nodded and was on her heels as she sprinted for the side door they'd chosen as their entrance.

"Door's unlocked." Shepard muttered, her breathing heavy, but not panting. "That's a new twist."

"Mantha is probably aware we're no longer on her estate." Kaidan murmured.

"But would she try to kill us by tipping Slater off?" Shepard countered. "I thought the whole point of this charade was my cooperation."

Kaidan chuckled. "You're assuming Mantha believes you can be killed by second rate mercs. You're also thinking too small, Shepard. Whatever that Slater woman did to be put in your crosshairs hasn't changed. Even if you walk, Slater will still be dead and that makes part of the mission a success. The smaller part, yes, but it's better than a total loss."

"Maybe I should leave her alive and buy her a ticket off this rock." Shepard muttered and cycled the door.

"You won't get my research." A harsh female voice called as they entered. "I've worked too hard on this! Kill them!"

"Well, there goes that option." Kaidan responded.

Shepard's Hand Cannon thundered and from their left three bodies hit the floor. "Why in Hell are these crates stacked like this? I mean really? They're right in the way. They're not even stacked properly or with any kind of common sense. How'd they get them through that door, anyway?"

Kaidan gave the crates a biotic shove and they heard screams. "Do you want to take one of the bad guys prisoner and ask?"

Sparks flared off his shields and the yellow glow of Tech Armor blooming to life around him outlined the extremely angry expression on Shepard's face as she tracked the tracers of the bullets trying to kill him.

In a move made smooth and graceful from long practice, she switched out her Hand Cannon for her Widow and fired a single shot. Moments later a thud on the floor was heard.

"Naw, I'm good with a little mystery in my life."

"Rushing from the center." A corona of blue light flared from Kaidan's body and four bodies lifted into the air to be picked off easily by his own Hand Cannon.

"Richelle Slater, my name is Commander Shepard." The words rang in the room from the lungs of a woman who'd spent years learning to yell on the battlefield.

"I knew Commander was your first name." Kaidan murmured and smiled at her glare.

"I would really rather talk than have to kill you." Shepard continued shouting to Slater.

"I knew she would send you! She told me how you were the best at doing her dirty work." The female voice countered. "You're too late! I've already completed my embryos! They're safe from you!"

"Sounds like Mantha planned for that contingency as well." Kaidan muttered, his expression dark.

"What embryos?" Shepard called back, confused. "I thought this was about a weapon's prototype."

High strung laughter echoed about the room. "Oh, they'll be a weapon! A weapon for Humanity! We will be the dominant species! All others will bow to us as they should!"

Shepard turned her head toward Kaidan. "Well, I'm done negotiating. How about you?"

Power exploded from the biotic at her side shoving crates about the room. Slater's scream was abruptly cut off when Kaidan shut his power down and gravity pulled them back to the ground.

"Anything that gets us off planet faster." Kaidan wiped his hands off on his armor and grinned at her.

"Let's make sure she's dead. Maybe pick up whatever intel is laying around. Something I can toss in Mantha's face and tell her we're done." Shepard didn't put up her weapons but began to cautiously move about the scattered crates. "Ewwww." She looked at the smear that had once been human and gave an exaggerated shudder. "I hate it when they look all squishy like that."

Kaidan arched an eyebrow at her but didn't say anything as he continued through the room. "No enemy contacts."

Shepard put up her gun. "There's an office, in the back, left." She motioned and used her long legs to get there. "Locked."

"I thought you were an Infiltrator." Kaidan questioned with mock disappointment. "Doesn't that mean you can get through any door?"

"If _you_ had let _me_ bring my _Cain_…" She retorted even as her fingers were dealing with the lock. "…we wouldn't be having this discussion."

"Nor would we have any intel because the building would be missing." Kaidan responded not noticeably moved by her dramatics.

"There." The door slid open and she walked through the room. "Oooohhh. Ammo crates. I love raiding those." She headed instantly for the shelves.

Kaidan smiled, shaking his head and approached the desk and took the datapad lying right on top of it.

_**Project Phoenix**_.

His gaze scanned the first few lines of the file and his blood froze.

"I found the mock prototype we were meant to retrieve." Shepard said from the corner of the room.

Kaidan closed the datapad and slid it into his belt. "That should be enough to get us out of Mantha's debt." He scanned the rest of the desk and found nothing interesting.

Shepard joined him, a box in her hands. "Yep. We all know it's bogus, but it's what she sent us here for. I don't owe her a damn thing now."

A slightly renegade grin curved Kaidan's lips. "Let's go tell her."

* * *

Mantha tossed the box with the fake prototype in it on the desk next to her.

"Shepard…" She began only to have Kaidan cut her off.

"We'd like to thank you for your hospitality." The edged smile on his lips seemed to imply anything but gratitude. "But we need to get back to the Normandy and see about the repairs."

"You just got here." Mantha said, her gaze slightly unfocused, as if she were searching for a reason to make them stay.

Shepard smiled. "Ah, well, you know. Things to do, people to kill." She waved a dismissing hand. "I left Tayne a message and a contact code. She can reach me at any time." The words were edged with a note of warning.

Mantha's expression narrowed. "She's my child, Shepard."

"_Tayne _will soon be her own woman. She needs options." Shepard retorted crossing her arms under her breasts. "I am one of those options. Consider it payback for when you saved my life all those years ago."

"And you consider this…" Mantha flicked disdainful fingers at the box with the weapon prototype in it. "Payback for my going to prison for you? I was pregnant, LS."

Shepard's own expression grew implacable. "I never asked you to do that for me. I never understood why, either, but it doesn't matter anymore. We're at quits, Mantha."

"We're sisters." Mantha's expression was beginning to fray on the edges and show the slightest panic. "That is a bond that can never be broken."

"We share blood." Shepard answered in flat tones, her determination unbroken. "I'm not a member of the Reds anymore and I have other priorities." Very deliberately her gaze moved to Kaidan.

"Apparently our talk meant nothing." Mantha said in icy tones, her attention moving to him as well.

Kaidan simply smiled. "Shepard makes up her own mind, Mrs Morganstern. You should have known that."

"And arguing this is pointless." Shepard picked up her duffel and slung it over her shoulder. "We've got passage on a commercial freighter back to Omega Station. Send me a message, Mantha, when the baby is born. I would like to know."

"Then stay and be here with me for the birth." Mantha answered.

Kaidan took the duffel from Shepard after a brief tug of war with her and added it to his own and moved for the door, leaving her to follow at her own pace.

Shepard gave her sister a long study. "I learned several important things, Mantha, on this visit, short as it was. I thank you for the opportunity you gave Kaidan and myself to figure things out. We needed it and it would have been more difficult on the Normandy."

"Kaidan isn't your family." Mantha snapped finally as the man in question stopped near the door to the room. "We are. He would never do for you what I did! He would never go to prison for something_ you_ did!"

"No, he wouldn't." Shepard agreed easily, her expression slightly confused that Mantha would think that. "I wouldn't ask him, and I sure as hell wouldn't expect it of him."

"Don't worry, Shepard, I'd visit you in prison." Kaidan commented, one corner of his mouth kicked up in a smile.

Shepard grinned at him but turned her attention back to her sister. "I'm not sixteen anymore, Mantha. And whatever it is you want from me…you'd have been better off asking. This little charade?" She motioned about the room. "It just reminds me of another recent acquaintance who can't be trusted. He learned he couldn't control me, too."

Mantha's eyes flashed with fury, but she said nothing.

Shepard gave her a nod and joined Kaidan at the door.

"Goodbye, Mantha." Shepard paused long enough to say and then they left.

* * *

"A not unsurprising outcome." The words were exhaled with a plume of smoke.

Mantha waved at the cloud near her face. "I've asked you not to do that near me. I'd rather not have unneeded side effects on the baby." She said in a peevish manner. "And I think we need to have Kaidan Alenko killed. If he hadn't been there…"

"Kill Kaidan Alenko and there is nowhere in this Universe Shepard won't hunt you." The words were low and had no emotional inflection other than complete belief in what was being said. "I don't need her with that kind of distraction right now. Not with the Reapers on their way."

Mantha rubbed her tummy, fuming.

"Your problem has always been that you thought too small, Mantha." Another exhale of smoke. "This isn't about your control of a pathetic bit of human's first rabble."

"My Reds have done good work for you!" Mantha snapped back.

"And they will continue to do so, but right now, our focus is surviving what is to come." The cigarette was stubbed out, a precursor that the conversation was about to end. "Other plans that have been put into play will wait until there is a Humanity to prevail. Your revenge included."

Mantha lifted her chin and nodded. "Agreed."

"How is the baby?" He motioned to her stomach.

"All of the recent physicals show her to be in prime condition." Mantha answered, her rage lifting as she smiled fondly down at the mound. "I'm expecting birth next week."

"Then you should rest. You'll need your strength."

Mantha nodded. "You'll be here for the birth?"

A slow, disquieting smile curved his lips. "Darling, you know I wouldn't miss it."

* * *

"Nice place."

Shepard glanced over the luxurious apartment and then at the man setting their duffels on the couch in the living area. "How do you manage this place on a Staff Commander's salary?"

He chuckled and began removing his weapons. "You really don't remember, do you?"

She blinked, frowning. "I've never been in this apartment before, Kaidan."

"No, you haven't. But before you died you had an unholy number of credits in your personal account. Do you remember that?" He asked setting the weapons in their locker.

"Vaguely." Shepard gave a shrug and then scowled. "They would have come in handy when I needed upgrades, that's for certain."

"You left them to me, Shepard. It was an update to your will that occurred sometime in the morning before I woke at Ilos." He finished with his weapons and ran his fingers through his hair.

She blinked. "Oh, yeah. I do remember that. Mind you, I remember watching you sleep more." A faint smile touched her lips as she began disarming, stowing her weapons in the lockbox near the bed.

"I've never seen you sleep." Kaidan said quietly. "You were dressed before I awoke at Ilos. We never had an opportunity after that to just sleep."

She shrugged sealing the box and stood, her gaze moving to the window. For a long moment she was silent, simply staring out the magnificent view of a green forest. The trees were wide and tall with the leaves a deep green she didn't think she'd ever seen before, not in person anyway. She could smell the fresh air. The stringent pine scent that made her feel better just inhaling it.

"I love you, you know."

The words were quiet and she didn't look at him as she spoke them.

"You weren't anyone I'd looked for. I spent too many years telling myself that loving someone was dangerous. A weakness. A vulnerability that I didn't need." She continued, her voice soft, her gaze on those trees. "You were a subordinate as well. A line I promised myself I would never cross and I break very few promises as badly as I broke that one."

Wrapping her arms about her chest, clutching her elbows, she still couldn't face him, couldn't let go of that last bit of illusion that no one was hearing what she spoke out loud.

"I'm not sure how you did it." There was a bit of wonder in her voice. "How you infiltrated my walls, my armor, so easily. How I didn't notice until it was already far too late. I'm not even sure when I began to crave you. Your words, your quiet support. Your approval."

She finally turned, her eyes scampering about the apartment until she forced them to focus on him.

His eyes were closed, his expression containing so much emotion that she crossed the room and cupped his jaw, her thumb running over the strong bone of his cheek.

"After Ilos, I told myself it was alright that I was breaking the rules of fraternization. That I was owed. I had earned this. You." She licked her lips and swallowed. "I was so damn arrogant, Kaidan. I'm sorry."

"Kaet…" He whispered.

"No. Please." She placed her thumb over his lips. "Let me finish. I didn't mean to die. It hadn't even occurred to me that I could. After all, I was Commander Shepard. I was a damn hero. I had just saved the Universe when no one else could. I was invincible."

For a long moment there was silence as she gathered her thoughts.

"I never told you I loved you because it was more important to me that I be armored, protected, be the great Commander Shepard who Reapers feared and everyone idolized because she had no weaknesses. No vulnerabilities." She licked her lips again. "I will forever regret, Kaidan, that I died without ever telling you I love you. That two years passed while you mourned me, wondering if I cared about you. That when I came back, I couldn't go immediately to you. Couldn't correct that mistake."

His arms slid about her, pulling her close. "Kaet." Her name sighed from his lips.

"The Reapers are coming, Kaidan." Her voice grew husky. "I have to fight them. There is no one else who can stand at the front and rally all those whose help we will need. I will need every ally, every enemy, every soul living to fight them if we are to survive. I have to be Commander Shepard. I have to be that arrogant bitch who has no vulnerabilities, no weaknesses."

She stepped closer into his arms, molding her body against his until she could hear his heartbeat.

"Here, where there is just the two of us, I am not Commander Shepard. I don't have to be." The words were rough. "Here, in your arms, I'm just me. I'm just…" Emotion cut off the words and she buried her face against his neck.

"Kaet." He answered for her. "My Kaet."

"Always."


	5. Chapter 5

"Damn, Commander, did you get a tan while you were gone?" Joker tilted his head studying Shepard as she entered the cockpit.

She gave him a bright smile. "Nope. You'd have to leave the bedroom for that. How's the ship?"

Joker gave shrug. "Well, she could stand a few upgrades. I wouldn't take her up against another Collector base anytime soon."

"We'll work on that." Shepard nodded. "Hello, EDI."

"Your vital signs are significantly more relaxed than they were two weeks ago, Commander Shepard." The AI responded as her console lit. "I believe the vacation was good for you."

"That it was." Shepard nodded. "I'll be in my cabin…my new fish should have arrived. EDI, will you notify Commander Alenko that he had ten minutes before I start putting his stuff away where I feel it should go and not where he wants it." She turned and headed back into the depths of the Normandy.

"Lucky bastard." Joker muttered.

"Yes, he is." Shepard called back with a laugh and began to hum under her breath.

* * *

"Commander Alenko." Miranda's voice held surprise as the lanky man entered her office.

Kaidan glanced around, his eyes wary but determined. Finally they landed on the former Cerberus agent and lingered, studying her. "I assume you've cleared this place of whatever bugs Cerberus keeps planting."

A faint smile touched her lips. "Should I be flattered that you think Cerberus would plant surveillance in my office? Since you have questioned my loyalty from the moment we met."

"Your loyalty is why I'm here, Ms Lawson." Kaidan didn't back down. "If you are loyal to Shepard, than you will answer my questions."

She tilted her head, considering him. "I would like to know what the test is on before we begin. Or is it an interrogation?"

"I need to know everything you do about Genetic Twins, Ms Lawson." Kaidan's expression didn't change, nor did his determination.

Miranda's expression retained her smile but was much less friendly than it had been before. "Why are you curious?"

Kaidan studied her, weighing the decision he was about to make and finally sighed. "Because of this." He activated his omni-tool and the holo of a very pregnant woman with a neon blue Mohawk appeared, two lines of DNA next to her.

One of which was as familiar to Miranda as her own after two years of daily study of it.

"This is part of it. Project Phoenix." Kaidan handed over a copy of the datapad they had taken from Richelle Slater.

Miranda slowly keyed the lock to her office door. "Please have a seat, Commander Alenko. I think we should talk."

Kaidan nodded and sat.

* * *

Later, the blue glow of the fish tank and its swimming occupants the only light in the room, Kaidan lay on his side, one arm propping him up as he watched the woman next to him sleep, her expression soft and at peace.

She had so much on her shoulders, more than any soldier had a right to bear, he thought, his fingers rubbing a thick lock of her hair between his fingers. She didn't whine about it, or complain. She simply planted her feet and stood tall, determined that nothing would wear her down.

He thought about the years of grief, of loneliness. About what might happen now, what might be asked of this woman he loved and what she would willingly give of herself to see that victory accomplished. He thought of how others saw her. Depended on her. Idolized her. Feared and hated her.

He thought about how, of all those enemies, allies, fans and fawners, he held a place none of them would ever come near, ever touch.

He was Shepard's weakness.


End file.
